To be completely honest, going back to an ex is almost never a good idea. There’s a reason (or likely a few reasons) the relationship ended and they are likely to repeat themselves. However, there are a few reasons for giving your former partner another chances that do make sense. Here are a few of them.
- Your breakup was mostly down to a circumstance that has since changed. If your breakup was because of circumstances out of either of your control, like living in different cities or having to focus on completing a degree, it might be a good idea to get back with your ex if things have changed. Sometimes, your ex may have been the right person at the wrong time, and if that’s the case in your situation, it’s a good reason to give things another try.
- You’re both able to admit your mistakes and do what it takes to fix them/avoid making them again in the future. It’s imperative that you and your ex are both able to realize and admit to the things that led to the relationship ending in the past. Making amends for those wrongs and dedicating yourselves to avoiding those behaviors moving forward is a step in the right direction.
- You’re older and feel like you’re ready to be in a committed relationship. If one of the main reasons you broke up was because you were young/wanting to play the field, getting back with an ex after some time has gone by might be OK. It’s hard to make a serious relationship work when you’re young ad experience. However, it’s possible that after going through some new experiences and figuring yourself out, you find that you’re ready to try something real with your ex. Being older and more mature than you were the first time you dated could work in your favor.
- You feel confident, independent, and self-sufficient… but you still miss them. If your reason for getting back with an ex has anything to do with loneliness, being afraid of dying alone, or not being comfortable in your own skin, don’t do it. If you’re happy and thriving on your own but still find that you have feelings you want to explore for your ex, that’s a sign that you should give the relationship another chance. You aren’t going back to it because you think you can’t do better or because you don’t like to be alone. You’re going back because you legitimately have feelings for your ex and you want them to be a part of your life, not to fix or complete it for you.
- You haven’t broken up and then gotten back together before. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, and this is definitely true when it comes to relationships. Being stuck in the cycle of an on-again, off-again relationship is not a good reason to get back with an ex. If you’ve broken up multiple times and then tried to be in a relationship again, there’s a very high chance it won’t work this time around either. If your breakup only happened once and your considering getting back together isn’t a toxic pattern, it’s worth a shot.
- You aren’t getting back together because your ex promised to change or be different. People don’t change often, and if they do, it usually won’t happen because they promise to do so or they think it could salvage a relationship. They might say that they’re going to change or do things differently, and they might even want to, but more often than not, people fall back into old habits and the same arguments will occur. If you’re getting back with your ex because you’ve accepted or are more understanding of something about their personality or tendencies that once bothered you, it has a chance of working. However, getting back together with the expectation (and no proof) that they’ll be different is never a good idea.
- Your relationship ended for reasons that had nothing to do with breaking trust, cheating, or lying. It is very hard to genuinely forgive someone once they break your trust, even when you really do want to and try to. Getting back with someone who cheated or lied to you will most likely drive you crazy wondering if it’ll happen again and make you feel like you need to be a private detective. If you can honestly forgive your ex for the past and start over with a clean slate, getting back together might be a good idea. However, if you’ve developed trust issues due to them lying or hiding things, it’s likely you won’t be able to make an honest go of things.
- You’ve made improvements and changes in your own life that make it more likely for your relationship to be successful now. It’s cliche, but if the saying “it’s not you, it’s me” was actually applicable when you and your ex broke up and you’ve since made positive changes, you might have a good reason to get back together. Sometimes your ex isn’t the reason for the breakup, you are, and being able to recognize that is healthy and honest.