10 Reasons He Still Hasn’t Said “I Love You”

Waiting for someone to tell you they love you for the first time is agonizing, and the longer it drags on, the more apocalyptic it feels. If you’re finding yourself in this situation, here are a few logical reasons to explain why he hasn’t said those three little words yet.

  1. He’s uncomfortable with vulnerability. Being in love is scary. It requires courage and a willingness to get hurt that a lot of people just aren’t brave enough to handle. If he hasn’t said “I love you,” he may just be trying to protect himself. All you can do is make sure he knows that his heart is safe in your hands and hope that he opens up.
  2. It takes some people a long time to fall in love. Some of us can fall for a person at first sight. Others require months, sometimes even years, to realize their feelings. If you’re getting impatient for him to tell you how he feels, try taking a step back to look at the big picture. If you’ve only been dating a few weeks, it’s perfectly normal for him to still be figuring out his feelings for you. And even if it’s been months, he might just be one of those people who takes awhile.
  3. He isn’t serious about the relationship. Love can cloud our judgment about a person, and if you’ve already fallen for him, it’s possible that you aren’t seeing him objectively. Is he as committed to the relationship as you are? Is he reliable? Does he make you feel cared for and important? Is he there for you? Does he initiate spending time with you? If the answer to any of these is “no,” he may not be looking for love at all.
  4. He’s waiting for you to say it first. You’d like to believe that all adults act their ages and aren’t inclined to play games and hide from their emotions, but sadly, very few of us are evolved enough to be brave or mature one hundred percent of the time. Telling someone you love them opens you up to pain, humiliation, and heartbreak, and for a lot of people, it’s just too much of a gamble. If neither of you has said “I love you,” maybe it’s time to ask yourself what’s keeping you from saying it first.
  5. He doesn’t know how to say it. As simple as the words are, “I love you” can feel like the most difficult sentence in the English language. Some people aren’t brought up in a home where love is verbally expressed, making it very difficult for them to say it even when they’re completely in love. Not being able to say how he feels about you must be just as frustrating for him as it is for you. Try setting an example by being speaking openly about your own feelings. In time, he’ll learn to do it too.
  6. He assumes you already know he loves you. People require different kinds of love. For some, words don’t resonate the way actions or touch do, which means that they may not think to express their love verbally. If you’re waiting for him to say he loves you, consider his actions. If he showers you with affection in every other way, he may be head over heels in love with you and just not be a person who uses words to show how he feels. Telling him that you need words as well as actions will help him learn how to love you better.
  7. He doesn’t know how you feel about him. If you aren’t open about your feelings for him, he may not realize that you’re serious about the relationship. He may think that you aren’t even looking for love. As in most situations, the best solution is to be as communicative as possible. Make sure he knows what you want and how you’re feeling. The worst-case scenario is that he doesn’t reciprocate, and that’s something you’d want to know sooner rather than later.
  8. He doesn’t know how he feels about you. When you go into a new relationship looking for love, you’re likely to feel it a lot faster than someone who doesn’t quite know what they’re looking for.  If he still hasn’t told you he loves you, he may just be working out what he’s feeling. Just because he doesn’t feel it now doesn’t mean he won’t in the near future. Give him a little time and see how it evolves.
  9. He’s been hurt before. Having someone break your heart will drastically decrease your interest in finding love again. If his last relationship ended painfully, he is most likely doing everything he can to protect himself, including avoiding love altogether. If this is the case, he will need time to be able to trust another person again.
  10. He isn’t in love with you. Unfortunately, there is always the chance that the reason he hasn’t said “I love you” is the simplest of them all: he doesn’t love you. But while this may be a painful pill to swallow, especially if you’re in love with him, just remember that there are always people in the world who will value you and cherish you the way you deserve. If he doesn’t love you, don’t settle. Move forward and find someone who will.


Rose Nolan is a writer and editor from Austin, TX who focuses on all things female and fabulous. She has a Bachelor of Arts in Theater from the University of Surrey and a Master's Degree in Law from the University of Law. She’s been writing professional since 2015 and, in addition to her work for Bolde, she’s also written for Ranker and Mashed. She's published articles on topics ranging from travel, higher education, women's lifestyle, law, food, celebrities, and more.