10 Reasons You’re Not Enjoying Love-Making As Much As You Should

Everyone agrees that intimacy should be fun, right? Sure, it’s impossible for every time to be the best you’ve ever had, but there’s no reason why that shouldn’t be the goal anyway, right? But you can’t just will good intimacy to life simply by wanting it. Women have a habit of settling for stuff that doesn’t live up to its potential a lot of the time, and that needs to stop. The first step towards a great intimate life is identifying the reasons you aren’t having all the ecstasy you deserve, then you can figure out how to change it. ASAP.

  1. You’re too stressed out. If all you can think about while you’re getting it on are your credit card bill, the broken air conditioner, and whether your work frenemy is plotting to steal your job, then you probably aren’t having much luck in the ecstasy department.
  2. He doesn’t know what he’s doing. Sometimes it’s not you, it’s him. If this is the case, either start giving him some strongly worded directions or cut him loose. If he’s not up to the job, there’s another guy out there who will be.
  3. He only cares about himself. For a woman to peak, most of the time a guy has to be interested in helping it happen. He has to be open to direction and he has to be patient and persistent. Chances are you aren’t going to happen to peak without even trying, so if he’s only focusing on himself, you might as well just be a blow-up doll, because you’re nothing more than a prop to him.
  4. You don’t really know what you want. If you have no idea what it takes to get you going, then it’s going to be a lot harder to make it happen. What you need is to indulge in a little you time and figure out what you like so you can pass on the information to your guy.
  5. You’re afraid to ask for what you want. So, you know how to give yourself satisfaction, and sometimes you’re even saying in your head, “Harder, and a little to the left!” but you can’t bring yourself to say it out loud. Luckily, guys love it when you tell them what you like. Quit being so shy, because the only person you’re hurting is yourself.
  6. You’re way too self-conscious. Are you worrying about how jiggly your thighs look or if he’s staring at stomach while you’re on top? Stop it right now, because all he’s thinking about is how hot you look and how lucky he is to be making love to you right now.
  7. You need an emotional connection. These days, casual intimacy has become the norm. Tinder has made it so easy to meet up with someone just to sleep with someone that we’ve stopped putting effort into getting to know someone before jumping into bed with them. But casual encounters aren’t for everyone, and if you need an emotional connection in order to really enjoy intimacy, that’s perfectly normal too.
  8. You’re hung up on what it means. If you aren’t in a committed relationship with your partner, then you might be wondering what’s going to happen after you sleep together. Will this be the last time you ever see him? Did you get too close too soon? Is he judging you right this minute? Kind of distracting.
  9. There’s no chemistry. Whether you’re into casual encounters or not, if there’s a disconnect between you and your partner (he loves dirty talk and you just… don’t, for instance), it’s going to be hard to really be in the moment and enjoy the intimacy.
  10. Your birth control is killing your mojo. Hormonal birth control messes with your estrogen and testosterone levels which can affect your interest in making love. If everything else is unchanged and you suddenly just can’t be bothered with it, it’s probably something to do with your birth control.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.