My sophomore year of college was like a roller coaster ride that gets stuck midway through the loop-de-loop. My roommate was a total monster, I decided I hated my major, and my high school sweetheart started attending college just down the road from me and decided it was a great time to start up with the mind games again. In order to avoid said mind games, I started chatting you up since I knew you’d been interested in me for a while. You were a total rebound and I knew it, but I didn’t care at the time.
- I know you didn’t ask for this. My relationship with you was easy and fun, but I knew deep down that there was always an expiration date looming ahead. A moment of weakness with my former high school boyfriend ended it all. I felt like absolute crap about it, but I always knew I wouldn’t be totally happy with you. I gave into temptation and ruined a good guy’s trust.
- I liked the idea of our relationship more than the relationship itself. You really knew how to woo a lady. You always took me out to great restaurants near our school, you introduced me to your friends and family right away, you were warm, and you made me feel wanted. Despite all this, each time I would go back to my apartment for the night, the warm fuzzy feelings would quickly disappear. In its place was a hollow pit that ate away at me until I finally managed to fall asleep. I was always thinking about a certain someone else.
- I don’t regret the time I spent with you. Even though I was never “all in” when it came to our relationship, I still really enjoyed the time we spent together. You knew how to get a genuine laugh out of me, and you didn’t seem bothered by the ghosts of my past. I wish I hadn’t let things move forward as quickly as they did; you were a fun guy to be around.
- I don’t blame you for resenting me. When the truth came out, you were understandably pissed at me. I tried to explain the whole story, that I had technically broken up with you before hooking up with my old high school boyfriend, but you didn’t care and I don’t blame you. I could tell you were falling for me a few months in. You started buying me flowers and wine and expressing yourself in that way guys do when they really trust a woman. You made yourself vulnerable to me, and I took advantage of you.
- I did my best to handle the fallout. After the breakup, there were whispers and dirty looks from some of our mutual friends. I took it in stride. I did this to you, and I knew I deserved the consequences. I took something away from you, and now something was being taken away from me. It was a low point and it certainly knocked my pride down a few pegs.
- I wish I had met you at a different time. I’ll admit, I never felt crazy butterflies or a burning desire to text you at 2 A.M. If I hadn’t been in such a vulnerable state at the time, maybe I would’ve taken these signs more seriously and ended things sooner. Instead of leading you into a failed relationship, maybe we could have become close friends.
- I won’t insult you by asking for your friendship. I reached out to you a few times after things ended between us. It was a selfish thing for me to do. I wanted you to forgive me so I could feel a little less guilty about taking advantage of a perfectly innocent, kind person. You didn’t budge, and I don’t blame you. Years have gone by and I pass you on the street every now and again. I just look down and pretend you’re not there. I don’t deserve your friendship, much less a quick conversation on the sidewalk.
- I think you and I both walked away with important lessons. Unsurprisingly, I didn’t end up with my high school sweetheart. He cheated on me and treated me exactly the way he did the first time we dated. Instead of diving head-first into a new relationship afterwards, I decided to give myself time to sort out what I really wanted out of life. As for you, I imagine you approach relationships differently now. You knew I had another man on my mind from the beginning, but you persisted. I have a feeling you aren’t settling for less than what you deserve these days.
- I’m not that person anymore. I harnessed my regret and my embarrassment and dwelled on it. It sounds a little melodramatic, but I needed to feel the full weight of my decision so I would never repeat it. Now, I recognize that love is just as important as respect when it comes to a solid, happy relationship.
- I know that you’ll make someone extremely happy. I know it sounds a little cliche: “You’ll make a woman very happy someday.” I truly mean it, though. I may not have been a good match for you, but I was still lucky enough to get to know you for a brief time and experience your genuine attitude and caring nature firsthand. I’ve long since moved on and fallen in love with an amazing man, and I sincerely hope you’ve found yourself in the same situation. You deserve to feel love at its fullest.
