If You Refuse To Call Me Your Girlfriend, Don’t Expect The Perks Of Having One

I might be crazy about you, but I’m not crazy enough to believe that sticking with you when you “don’t like labels” or prefer to keep it casual is going to be good for me. If we’ve been dating for a while and you still haven’t put a label on it, I’m not going to stay.

  1. Titles matter. I don’t care if you think I’m crazy, but the words “girlfriend” and “boyfriend” matter. They tell the world that we’re together, that we’re both off the market and entering this relationship wanting to be with each other and no one else. If that’s too hard for you to do, then you’re not the one for me.
  2. I won’t be someone on the side. I can’t believe that I’m the only woman you’re dating. If you won’t make our relationship official but you still want to spend time with me, I can’t help but think there are other women with whom you’re doing the same things. A man who can’t commit even though we’ve been dating for a while is silently screaming that he’s not ready to toss out his options.
  3. You don’t deserve the relationship perks. I have a lot to give someone in a relationship, but I can’t give those things to you if you’re not making an effort to be mine exclusively. Those perks are earned.
  4. I need security. I’m talking about relationship security. I need to know that the guy I’m dating is calling me his girlfriend and isn’t afraid to be open about that, like when I’m meeting his friends. If this label isn’t clear, you’ve clearly got something to hide. My alarm bells will ring, warning me that this so-called relationship isn’t something safe.
  5. You’re not committed. You might claim to love me, but how is that possible if you’re not calling me your girlfriend and making it clear that we’re in a serious relationship? You might use excuses like that you just don’t like labels or you don’t want to rush into anything, but that’s BS. I won’t fall for those lies. I need someone who loves me and isn’t afraid to be with me 100 percent.
  6. I won’t waste my time. It scares me to think I could be going on dates with a guy who’s not actually seeing relationship potential between us. It would be like going to a bunch of job interviews with the same company that actually won’t hire me. WTF? My time is valuable.
  7. I value myself. I won’t put myself in a situation where I don’t know where I stand. That’s enough to make me feel insane and zap my self-esteem. I won’t sit around waiting for you to make a decision. I’m not that desperate to have you in my life.
  8. You’re using my feelings for you. You obviously know how I feel for you, but instead of either ending things with me or taking them to the next level, you’re trying to use and abuse those feelings for as long as you can to get what you want. I’m sorry, but those feelings aren’t for sale.
  9. You’re taking me for grantedIf you’re dating me, claiming to like me so much but not putting the “girlfriend” title on me, you don’t realize my worth. Instead, you’re keen to hang out with me and rent out some time with me for as long as it’s convenient. The difference between us is that I do realize my worth and I won’t settle for someone who doesn’t.
  10. I hate mixed messages. There are always mixed messages from a guy who’s keeping the relationship casual. He has to put in some effort to keep me interested by texting a lot and making time to see me, but then he won’t make too much effort because that’ll slide the relationship into a more serious one. The result? I’m stuck trying to figure out all these conflicting messages and what they really mean. What a waste of time.
  11. I’m not Miss Right Now. I want to feel that my partner’s crazy about me, that he won’t miss a second of being with me, that he wants me to know he’s into this relationship. In other words: I want him to treat me like I’m his Miss Right. I won’t accept the title of Miss Right Now. It feels like such a downgrade.
  12. You’re just in it for hooking up. You want to date casually, you say? Um, that’s really just code for “let’s hook up without being in a serious relationship.” We might have a strong physical attraction but it’s just not enough for me. I want more than great sex.
  13. I’m going to give myself the love and respect I deserve. You might not be able to give me the love and respect I deserve in a partner, but I can do that for myself. How? By walking away from you. You might give me an amazing time when we’re together, but it’s not enough. I deserve more than the lukewarm feelings you’re giving me. I can get that anywhere.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.