I’ve spent my whole life treating compromise as the answer to every relationship issue before I realized that I didn’t have to sacrifice the things I wanted for those my partner does. I now approach my relationship unwilling to make compromises and everything is so much better.
My individuality is important to me.
I’ve spent so much time losing myself in relationships but now that I’m getting out of that habit, I’m acutely aware of how important it is to uphold my independence. I have no plans to lose it again any time soon, so my no-compromises approach to my relationship is coming into play as a failsafe to celebrate my autonomy.
I have more respect for my partner when I see him functioning as his own person.
One of the sexiest things about my boyfriend is his independent spirit. I love to see him in his element, doing something that brings him joy, and I have such respect for his autonomy. If I see him compromise for my sake, the spark of independence starts to fade and that’s the last thing I want. What’s hotter than a guy who knows what he wants and respects himself enough to go get it?
We’re different people and we live different lives.
One of the things I find most difficult about relationships is that eventually, my life and my boyfriend’s seem to merge into one. Surprise—it doesn’t have to be that way! We’re individual human beings; we lived separate lives before we knew each other and falling in love doesn’t mean that has to come to an end. I love my boyfriend deeply and that means I love him for who he is, not who I want him to be.
I don’t want to end up resenting him.
I know that compromise means that neither of us gets what we really want, and I would hate for that to equal resentment in either one of us. I believe that we can both have our needs fulfilled at the same time, even if those needs appear to contradict each other at first glance. I think there’s always a way around it that doesn’t depend on compromise, and if that means my boyfriend goes on a Caribbean cruise while I go backpacking in Asia, then so be it.
I never want to look back and regret not doing something.
There are so many things I want to experience in my life, to the point that I know I’ll never be able to try them all. I’d hate to deprive myself of even more of those experiences just because I don’t want to rock the boat. I want my life to be rich with excitement and adventure and I don’t see why those things should come at the expense of a stable, healthy, loving relationship. I can have my cake and eat it too.
Our independence is what keeps our relationship alive.
Knowing that at any given time, my boyfriend could book a flight to India, become a magician, or take up firebreathing as a hobby injects a sort of excitement into our relationship. It’s the sort of excitement that comes only from true acceptance and celebration of his right to do whatever brings him joy. And knowing that I have the same freedom allows me to breathe easier. I love the spark of a new relationship, of never knowing what the other person might do. A no-compromise approach to a relationship can keep that flame alive.
I’ve wasted way too much time losing myself in relationships.
If you’re anything like me, you know exactly what I’m talking about. You’re a strong, independent woman right up until you fall in love, at which point you apparently lose your will entirely and do “whatever you feel like, honey.” I’m not interested in doing that again because I know how fulfilling it is to follow my impulses and do the things that make me happy rather than the things that are convenient for my boyfriend.
I want us both to be happy.
Sometimes that means we want the same thing and can enjoy it together. Other times, we end up wanting different things, so why shouldn’t we have the opportunity to experience those things, even if it means doing it separately? I want my partner to enjoy all the things he wants without inhibition and I want the same thing for myself!
We have the opportunity to learn things separately.
One of my favorite things about this approach is that it enriches us both as individuals and as a couple. When we take the opportunity to have different experiences, we learn new things that we can bring back into our relationship. I love being able to share things with my partner after we’ve spent some time apart, and I love to hear his tales of adventure too! I’d never go back to making unnecessary compromises after experiencing what it is to live and love without them!
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