I Refuse To Be The First One Who Says “I Love You” — Here’s Why

I Refuse To Be The First One Who Says “I Love You” —  Here’s Why ©iStock/PointImages

It’s easy for me to say that I love my friends or even my morning coffee, but uttering those three little words to a guy I’m saying can be tough, at least in the beginning. I know it shouldn’t be hard to express my feelings to someone I really care about, and it isn’t… so long as he sets the precedent. Here’s why I’ll never say “I love you” first:

  1. I never really know what he’s thinking. Even if the relationship is going great, there’s always that fear of not knowing whether or not we’re actually on the same page. We all have doubts that linger in the back of our minds, even in the most secure relationships. If only Magic 8 balls were credible sources for telling the future! At least if he tells me he loves me first, I know it’s not just me.
  2. It’s not something I can ever take back. Saying “I love you” is permanent. Those words can shatter a relationship if the person I say it to doesn’t feel the same. There’s a chance that the relationship will grow, but there’s also a chance that it’ll stop dead in its tracks — I don’t like those odds! I wouldn’t want to risk my relationship by saying “I love you” and making things super awkward if he’s not feeling the same way.
  3. It may be too soon in the relationship — at least for him. People feel things differently and at different times. After six months, I may be ready to confess my dying love, but the guy I’m with may need more time. Would it be fair to say “I love you” when I know he’s there yet? I don’t want to hide my emotions, but I also don’t want to put the person I love in an awkward situation.
  4. I wouldn’t want to be lied to. Sometimes I worry that if I say “I love you” first, he’ll say it back — but only out of pity. If the person I’m with hasn’t told me he loves me yet, I feel like there must be a reason. Sounds hypocritical — especially since I wouldn’t feel comfortable expressing my feelings first either. It may be silly to say, but somehow I’ll believe him more if he says it first. This way, I know he’s not saying it because he feels pressured or because he’s been put on the spot — he’s saying it because he wants to.
  5. I’m just not romantic enough. The movies portray the perfect scenes for saying “I love you”  — it’s like they’re setting us up for disappointment. I want the first time to be amazing — somewhere near a fire, with a choir singing in the background and fireworks going off in the night sky. Unfortunately, I’m not an event planner — I would have no idea how to pull that off.
  6. I’m a big fat chicken. I’m sure as you’ve been reading this you’ve been thinking, “She’s just scared.” Well, you’re right — I’m absolutely terrified! Being vulnerable isn’t a situation I like to be in. It takes away your control and I’m not afraid to say it — I like to have control over situations, especially when they deal directly with my own life. Saying “I love you” first could mean I’m setting myself up for an intense amount of rejection. Is it wrong that I would want to avoid that?
  7. The relationship may not last. What if I jinx myself? It’s like calling a couple “perfect” and then a week later they break up. If I say “I love you” and the person feels the same way, then what? The relationship may continue being amazing, but it could also blow up in our faces! Love is a powerful word and it changes way more than we think. A break up after saying “I love you” is 10x worse than a break up before.
  8. I want a man to be a man. It’s 2016 and women basically run the world! We’re doing everything men do, but in high heels and flawless ensembles. And yet, I still want men to do certain “guy stuff.” I want them to take the initiative to ask me out on a date. It’s not that I can’t, there’s just something very attractive about a guy making the first move. It doesn’t make me any less of a feminist to say, sometimes I want a man to be man! And, I want the guy I’m with to tell me he love’s me first — I don’t think I’m the only one who feels like this, right?
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.