When I first fall for someone, it’s hard not to get swept up in the whirlwind of romance, making it impossible to focus on anything but our new relationship. At a certain point, though, I shake some sense back into myself and find some balance. I refuse to let my world revolve around a guy — here’s why:
- It’s not healthy. Making a man my sole priority wouldn’t be healthy for me or my relationship. Chances are, a guy doesn’t actually want to be the only thing I care about anyway (and vice versa), and allowing him to become just that is a major turn-off. We both need our space, our separate hobbies and other people in our lives. Without them, we’d be brewing a severely toxic relationship.
- I don’t want to alienate the people I love. We’ve all had those friends who completely vanish the moment they become Facebook official — we call her to hang out but she already has plans with her boyfriend and his friends. We send her a text but she’s too wrapped up in a Netflix sesh to respond. After one too many attempts to maintain our friendship, it’s clear that her priorities have changed and we give up trying. I refuse to be that girl who lets her other relationships fall to the wayside for the sake of a guy — after all, I’ve gotten this far without him — and where would I be without those amazing ladies in my life?
- I refuse to lose myself. It’s heartbreaking to see a strong woman lose sight of herself in order to satisfy a guy. I’ve witnessed friends stifle their ambition, give up their interests, and sacrifice their values in an effort to make their relationship work. There’s no denying that a little compromise is important, but any guy who expects me to forget myself and become his accessory isn’t worth having. I’ll always aim for something better!
- Jealousy will rear its ugly head. I’m not going to be that girl who’s jealous of his guys’ nights (or worse still, shows up for them uninvited to “check in on him”). If I let my life revolve around him, it’d be hard not to be envious of his time with other people — something I’d no longer have if I abandoned my own friends. This kind of relationship is a breeding ground for jealousy and all-around disaster. No thanks.
- I hate clinginess. If I made my relationship my entire life, it’d be all but guaranteed that I’d hit Stage 5 clinger status, and that’s just not me. I’m not going to be living for his texts and feeling desperate for his attention. There’s nothing more suffocating than clinginess, and since I wouldn’t accept it from a guy, I sure as hell won’t do that to him. I’ve got my own fulfilling life and I plan to keep living it.
- Getting too attached is the easiest way to become unbalanced. The key to any successful diet, career or relationship is balance. Without it, things will feel off and take a nose dive fast. It’s natural to want to dive in head-first, especially when I fall deeply in love, but I’ll always work towards striking that perfect harmony between maintaining my independence while forming a life with my significant other.
- I refuse to lose sight of my goals. My goals and aspirations will always remain a top priority — otherwise, how will I reach them? What those goals are will change as time goes on, but I’ll never put them on the back burner to satisfy a relationship and I’ll certainly never sacrifice my dreams for a guy.
- What happens if things end? Nothing comes with a forever guarantee. However strong my relationship may be, the reality is that there’s always a chance it might end. If my world revolved around my boyfriend, I’d find myself completely lost and empty when we broke up. Sorry, I’d rather not even go there.
