I Refuse To Make The First Move On A Guy—It Shows Me What He’s Really About

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with making the first move on a guy, but in my experience, it always backfires. Holding back and letting him ask me out and show interest is much better because it gives me insights into him that I wouldn’t have had otherwise.

  1. I want a guy who’ll go out of his way to impress me. I’m sorry, but I’m so sick and tired of trying super hard to impress a guy. I want him to make an effort and impress me with how great he is before I commit. He can’t impress me much if I’m the one doing all the work.
  2. I want to know if he’s thinking ahead. A guy who makes a move on me because he really likes me will do so in a timely manner. He’s not going to be lazy about it or waste my time by leaving me hanging. If he takes action, then he’s showing me he’s serious and sees me in his future.
  3. How he starts is how he’ll end. Relationships need both parties to put effort into them, otherwise, they’re doomed. When he makes the first move, he’s really showing me how much effort he’s going to make down the line. Does he text me or call to ask me out? Does he make plans or just sort of go with the flow? How he behaves when he first asks me out and we start dating shows me what he’ll be like as a boyfriend.
  4. I see if he’s just in it for fun. If I make a move on him, I’m telling him that I’m interested and possibly even have feelings for him. He might just go along with this and date me. I won’t always know if he’s really with me because his feelings are genuine and strong enough, or just because I’m convenient.
  5. I want chivalry and need to see if he’s willing and able to give it. I want to see that the guy’s going to be chivalrous and treat me with respect by making a move with class, not tell me I’m hot while breathing beer fumes into my face. Gross. Basically, how he makes his move is important because it shows if he’s respectful and chivalrous or not.
  6. I can’t date a guy who doesn’t know what he wants. How he decides to make a move also shows me what he’s really looking for. If he’s so focused on touching my face and telling me I’m beautiful, all I’ll think is, “hookup!” But if he really takes the time to notice something about me and engage in a real conversation, it makes me feel that maybe he’s looking for something real.
  7. I need to know if he’s up for the challenge. If he’s a hot guy, he’s probably used to women falling all over him and doing all the work for him. Screw that. I want him to see that I’m a challenge and if he wants me, he’s going to have to do more than just look sexy in the corner. If he makes the first move, he’s clearly up for that challenge.
  8. I won’t doubt his feelings. Every time I’ve made a move on a guy in the past, I’ve always doubted if he was really interested in me or not. Surely if he was, he would’ve made the first move and asked me out, I’ve wondered. Dating a guy after making the first move would make me feel like I was the one who’d made our relationship happen when really I wanted him to show me that he really wanted me.
  9. I don’t want to date a man-child. If I’ve known a guy for a while and have feelings for him, I don’t want to look or feel desperate by making the first move. It feels like I’m chasing him, which totally sucks. If he’s a grown man, he shouldn’t expect women to chase him, anyway. He should take the lead and make things happen.
  10. It shows he can communicate. A guy who approaches me and tells me he would like to take me on a date not only shows he’s interested in me but also how he communicates. If he can say what’s on his mind and in his heart, it’s a good sign that I’m dealing with a guy who would make a good boyfriend with decent emotional intelligence. If he can’t make the first move even though he’s interested, what’s really going on? Is he painfully shy, seriously lacking self-confidence, or just not into me? Ugh, the mixed messages!
  11. It lets me know he’s clear about his intentions. The only reason why I’d make a move on a guy is if he was vague about his intentions or gave me mixed messages. But then that’s even more of a reason not to! If he’s not being clear about what he feels and wants, then I’ve already got my answer: he’s not into me.
  12. I want him to sweep me off my feet. I know it might sound old-fashioned, but I want a guy to make me feel special and loved. I want him to make a move on me in person (not via text) and make me feel like he’s only got eyes for me. I’m after real, amazing love, not just getting with someone for the sake of it. It’s worth it to hold out for this kind of guy.
  13. I see if he values relationships. If I make the first move on a guy, I feel like I’m making things too damn easy for him and he might not appreciate this because he didn’t have to work for it. Screw that. I want a guy who values relationships and wants a real one. He’s got to show me that he does by making the first move.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.