When it comes to relationships, I’m not sold on infatuation and attraction alone. I want passion, meaningful conversation, understanding, and closeness that goes beyond physicality. I want something deep and significant, and I refuse to settle for anything less.
I don’t care how good looking a guy is. Physical attraction is necessary in a romantic relationship, but if we can’t connect beyond our physical appearances, then it’s not going to work. The washboard abs and flawless face won’t be the same in 20 years, but the core of who he is will last. If we have physical and sexual chemistry PLUS an emotional, mental, and spiritual connection, that’s the relationship jackpot.
I want us to be real with ourselves. Part of wanting something deep, significant, and authentic means that I’m ready to be mutually vulnerable. If the relationship is only surface level, there’s going to be a barrier of trust that goes up, even if it’s only subconsciously, and I don’t want that. I want to be unapologetically me, and I want my guy to be the authentic version of himself, not some fake persona.
Casual dating is exhausting. I’m not a kid anymore. I know what I want, and more importantly, what I need. Superficial love can lead to serial dating, especially with social media and dating apps at an all-time high. I don’t want to date a handful of men and take the little things from each one that I desire in a mate while tossing aside the rest of who that person is, either. All of that is exhausting. I’m playing for keeps.
I need real conversation. I prefer to skip the small talk. Not only do I want real conversation, but I crave it more than anything and it needs to spill into every angle of our relationship. Sure, the physical aspect of a relationship is desired and necessary, but the kind of relationship I’m after includes waking up next to someone and spending the next hour beside them in bed talking about real things, not waking up and leaving as quickly as possible every time.
I’m worthy of love. I know that I’m not perfect, but I’m worthy of love. I believe that everyone is, but sometimes we unknowingly cheat ourselves into thinking that we don’t need it. We think we’re content with hookups and quick flings but that’s not what we should settle for. I know I’m worthy of lasting love, not a fake relationship.
I’m over the games. I’m tired of trying to gauge how long I should wait before texting a guy back after a date, for instance. Superficial love is laced with these types of games that might be fun for a short period of time, but the thrill of it eventually fades away, leaving a feeling of frustration and emptiness.
I don’t want to play pretend. Fake feelings can only go on for so long before someone gives up and it’s over. A fireworks-worthy make-out session is enticing, but are we only fooling ourselves into thinking there’s more beyond the superficial bond we share? I think so, and I’m looking for something deeper than that.
Date me for real or don’t date me at all. I want to go to the museum, a concert, the beach, a walk around town to check out a few shops neither of us has ever seen before. I want to experience life with my guy, and I want way more than the bare minimum. If a guy isn’t ready to put in any effort beyond a dinner date or a few apple martinis at the bar on a Friday night, then let’s not even bother.
I have a lot to give. I think I’m a pretty interesting person, but if a guy only wants to date me casually, then he’s never going to reap the benefits. For instance, I give great scalp massages and I make the world’s best french toast. I want to be with someone who appreciates me and who I can give my all to, knowing that they’ll offer me the same in return.
I’m done settling, period. If something has to be forced, then it’s probably not authentic. Not only do I not want to settle, but I do not want my guy to feel as though he’s settling with me. If he can’t wrap his brain and emotions around a serious, deep, significant relationship with me, then he’s not “The One,” and that’s okay. If there is one thing I refuse to do, it’s settle for anything less than real love.
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