Why I Refuse To Have Sex On The First Few Dates

Deciding when to get down and dirty with someone you’re interested in is such a debatable topic. Some people like the idea of sleeping with someone early on because if there’s no sexual chemistry, you’ll know it won’t work out before you’re emotionally invested. Me? I’m the opposite. I straight-up refuse to sleep with someone on the first few dates for these good reasons:

  1. I don’t know how attached he’ll get. Obviously taking his feelings into consideration is important, especially if you see things going further than just a few dates with this guy. With that said, I have no idea what kind of guy he is when it comes to sex after just a date or two. He might be the kind of guy who’s emotional, or he might be the total opposite and want me to leave. I think it’s a major step to find out how attached he gets, because sex can make that bond even stronger.
  2. I don’t know how attached I’ll get. Same goes for me. How much can I really get to know a guy in just a few dates? In my opinion, not enough to tell if I’m 100 percent ready to commit just yet. I have no idea if sex will make our bond stronger. And if it does, I’ll be even more attached, and what if he doesn’t feel the same way? I like to be positive that I’m ready to be with that person (and he needs to feel the same about me) before I’m ready to sexually commit.
  3. I have no idea about his sexual past. How does the saying go? “Safe sex is great sex.” Yes, and safe sex doesn’t always come with someone you’ve only gone on a couple dates with. In my opinion, it’s important to know a brief synopsis of someone’s relevant sexual history before you hop in bed with them. As in, yes, I would like to know if he has an STD, thank you very much.
  4. I need to be 100 percent comfortable with someone before having sex. I’m a pretty confident person, but I’m definitely not the type of girl who loves to be naked around anyone and everyone. I need to be at a certain comfort level with someone before I hit the sheets. I think it takes time getting to know someone mentally and physically before I’m ready for that type of commitment.
  5. It makes me look like I’m not a catch. How many times have you heard of stories or movies where the girl hopped right into bed with the guy and then he stayed and loved her ’til the end of time? My guess would be never. I want to be with someone who has to work for me and realize my worth, and I’m definitely not showing him I’m a catch if I head right to bed with him.
  6. I don’t really want guys to think I’m promiscuous. Sorry to be so blunt, but you know what they say about the girls that just hop right into bed with guys. Also, just to be clear, I believe that the same goes for men. Yes, I think women should be able to sleep with whoever they please, whenever we please, but let’s not stoop down to the level players are at.
  7. I don’t know what they like in bed. I want to make sure that if I’m sleeping with someone, their experience would rate five stars. I want to make sure that I’m hitting all their buttons, meaning that I really need to know what this guy likes before I’m ready. No one wants to be in that weird situation where your dude definitely is not enjoying what you’re doing and it just ends awkwardly.
  8. I can avoid that whole awkward after-sex thing. Like I said, there’s no way I can be 100 percent comfortable with someone after just a few dates. With that said, not having sex with this guy also means I don’t have to deal with the awkward after-sex thing. Do I stay or do I go? If I stay, I’m totally waking up with makeup running down my face and morning breath. Am I ready for him to see that side of me? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
  9. Sex to me means commitment. Again, this is just my opinion, but I believe that sex means commitment. If I’m having sex with someone, I’m expecting that it won’t be the only time. I like to know that I’m not giving my all to someone just for them to turn around and leave.
  10. If he’s down, he’s probably not a guy I want to date. I know that men almost always have the “dirty twirls” (in the words of Jessica Day from “New Girl”), but he needs to also have boundaries. If a guy is trying to get with me after only a couple dates, chances are he’s looking for something completely different than I am, in which case, I’m all set.
Based in Massachusetts, you can find Kristen obsessing over all things beauty, Boston Terries and buffalo wings. As a makeup artist, photographer and writer, Kristen loves all things artsy. You can find her bylines on StyleCaster, Teen Vogue, The Gloss and The Bolde.