I Refuse To Take A Guy Seriously Until He Proves He’s Serious About Me

Because I’m a hopeless romantic, I tend to get overly excited when a new guy enters my life. While it takes a lot for me to really like someone, when I do, I end up idealizing things way more than I should. That said, I’ve learned my lesson and from now on, I won’t take a guy seriously until I know he’s serious about me. Here’s why:

  1. I know better now. Before, if a guy wasn’t taking my feelings seriously, I’d assume that his cavalier attitude was a sign that there was something wrong with me. Now I know that it actually has nothing to do with me — it’s about him. If a guy is truly into me, giving me the respect and consideration I deserve will come naturally. If not, he’s not someone I want to waste time on anyway.
  2. I’m choosing to be realistic. Not every guy I’m really into is going to be really into me — that’s life. So instead of trying to force some sort of relationship with a guy who’s unable to see my worth and treat me accordingly, I’ve decided to take things as they are and move on. Waiting around hoping he’ll suddenly change or start treating me the way I deserve to be treated is a waste of time, so why bother?
  3. Some people don’t deserve the benefit of the doubt. Gone are the days when I’d make excuses for a guy’s crappy behavior. I won’t give him leeway to treat me badly or be okay with something half-assed just to keep a guy in my life. Part of taking people at face value means believing a guy when he shows me he’s not boyfriend material. It’s not my responsibility to decode his behavior or assume he really does want to be with me when his actions say the opposite. No thanks.
  4. Being in control of my feelings is important to me. My emotions don’t rule me and I like it that way. I won’t let my feelings for a guy get the best of me, especially if he isn’t reciprocating. I know there’s a guy out there who’ll not only love being the lucky recipient of all the care and affection I have to give, but will happily give his own right back to me. If we’re not on the same wavelength, I’m out.
  5. I deserve better from myself. I’ve gotten hurt by quite a few guys, and in the end, I realized that I was always partly at fault when it happened. I ignored red flags, I gave without expecting anything in return and I lowered my standards for men who wouldn’t rise up to meet them. I won’t be doing that anymore because the respect I have for myself is far too high for that. I deserve better and I’m going to get it.
  6. If he’s worth it, he’ll prove it. One thing that helps me determine which guys are actually worth my time is whether or not they’re willing to prove to me that they’re worth having feelings for. If a guy truly wants to build a relationship with me, he won’t think twice about making the effort to show he’s all-in. Any guy who’s too lazy or doesn’t care enough to try isn’t for me.
  7. I’m not into almost relationships. If a guy I’m dating says he likes spending time with me but just wants to keep things casual, I can tell what kind of guy he is right then and there. YHe wants the girlfriend perks without the commitment and I have no time for that. My time is precious and I’m not about to waste any of it on a guy who sees me as a back-up plan when he’s bored.
  8. I won’t set myself up to be disappointed. If I feel myself getting invested in a guy but I’m not getting the same in return, that’s all I need to tell me the relationship isn’t worth pursuing any further. I know the warning signs and I know what I want out of a relationship, so I won’t be settling for any less at the risk of being disappointed in love yet again.
  9. Just because I’m down-to-earth doesn’t mean I don’t want to be taken seriously. I love to joke around, I’m low maintenance and I really love the simple things in life, yes — but that doesn’t mean that I’ll put up with being treated like crap. There are certain things in life that should always be taken seriously, and relationships will always be one of them to me.
  10. It’s easier to weed out the wrong guys this way. I’ll be able to tell quickly whether or not a guy’s worth my energy by simply seeing how he reacts as things progress between us. And since I’ll have control over my feelings, I’ll be able to send him packing if he’s not the right guy for me.
Angelica Bottaro has a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Trent University and an Advanced Diploma in Journalism from Centennial College. She began her career as a freelance writer in 2014, racking up bylines in The Good Men Project, MakeWell, LymeTime, YouQueen, and more. She eventually shifted her focus and began writing about mental health, nutrition, and chronic disease for VeryWell Health.

You can follow her on Facebook or check out her website at AngelicaBottaro.ca. She also posts on Instagram @a.ct._b and Twitter @angiiebee.