There’s a fine line between being kind and being a doormat, and for women who always put others first, that line gets crossed way too often. They spend years bending over backward, saying “yes” when they want to say “no,” and prioritizing other people’s happiness over their own—only to wake up one day filled with regret. The good news? It’s never too late to change. If you recognize yourself in any of these regrets, it’s time to start putting yourself first for once.
1. You Regret Pretending To Like Things To Make Someone Else Happy
How many times have you sat through a concert you hated, pretended to enjoy a show you found boring, or nodded along in conversations that drained you? Maybe you thought keeping the peace was more important than expressing your real thoughts, but over time, all that pretending chips away at your sense of self. You become someone who molds yourself to fit others’ expectations rather than embracing your own preferences. As reported by Gregg Vanourek, pretending to be someone or something you’re not can lead to big problems, including feeling like a fraud, exhaustion from acting, and creating barriers in relationships.
Now, it’s time to value honesty over people-pleasing. Speak up when you don’t want to do something, knowing that real relationships thrive on authenticity, not silent sacrifices. Liking different things doesn’t make you difficult—it makes you human. And if someone can’t respect that? That’s their problem, not yours.
2. You Regret Doing So Much For A Man Who Can’t Even Send A Text Back
You planned thoughtful surprises, sent good morning texts, and made every effort to make him feel special—only to be met with half-hearted responses, last-minute cancellations, or, worse, no reply at all. Looking back, you might wonder why you kept giving when it was clear he wasn’t doing the same. Love shouldn’t feel like an uphill battle where one person is carrying all the weight.
From now on, refuse to beg for the bare minimum effort. If someone can’t match your energy, they don’t deserve access to your time. Love is a two-way street, and it’s time to walk away from one-sided relationships where you’re the only one putting in the work.
3. You Regret Loaning Money To People Who Always “Forgot” To Pay You Back
Every time someone needed a little financial help, you were there—handing over cash, covering a bill, or “lending” money that mysteriously never found its way back. Funny how the same people who conveniently forgot to pay you back never seemed to struggle when spending money on themselves. You thought you were being generous, but deep down, you knew you were being taken advantage of. A study by CreditCards.com found that 59% of people who have loaned money to friends reported bad experiences, including damaged relationships and never seeing their money again.
Stop being an interest-free bank for people who never intend to repay you. If someone needs money, they can figure it out the same way you always have. Lending out cash doesn’t make you kind—it makes you an easy target. And it’s time to retire from that role.
4. You Regret Letting Yourself Become The Unofficial Therapist Of The Group
Whenever someone needed advice, a pep talk, or a long vent session, you were their first call. But when you needed support? Silence. You spent so much time being strong for others that you forgot to ask yourself: Who’s strong for me? Playing therapist to everyone around you left you emotionally drained and, in the end, completely unsupported. As reported by K.D. Holmes, LPC, being the “therapist friend” can lead to increased stress and disrupted sleep.
You no longer have to fix everyone else’s problems. Set boundaries, prioritize your emotional well-being, and recognize that friendship is about give-and-take—not one person carrying all the emotional weight. If someone only reaches out when they need something, let that relationship fade.
5. You Regret Bending Over Backward For Family Members
You rearranged your life, put your own needs on hold, and made endless sacrifices for family members who never returned the favor. Whether it was covering for someone’s mistakes, always being the one to plan events, or constantly playing peacemaker in family drama, you gave and gave—until there was nothing left. A study by Philips Avent found that 88% of parents agree they are better parents when they prioritize self-care.
Now, you understand that “family” isn’t an excuse for emotional exhaustion. You still love and support them, but not at the expense of your own well-being. If a family relationship only thrives when you’re bending over backward, it’s time to rethink its place in your life.
6. You Regret Staying Late At Work When No One Even Noticed
You thought working extra hours and saying “yes” to every project would prove your dedication. But all it proved was that you were willing to overextend yourself without recognition. When promotions came around, when raises were handed out, no one mentioned all the late nights you spent at your desk. You sacrificed time with loved ones, personal hobbies, and your well-being—only to realize that work moved on just fine without you.
Now, you no longer tie your worth to how much you overwork yourself. If staying late isn’t respected or rewarded, you clock out on time and put that extra energy into your own life. Work can replace you in a second—so why should you sacrifice yourself for it?
7. You Regret Answering Calls From People Who Only Bring Drama
You used to pick up the phone every time, thinking it was the polite thing to do. But these weren’t calls filled with support or genuine conversation. They were one-sided vent sessions, gossip dumps, or crisis situations that you somehow always had to fix. The longer you kept answering, the more drained you felt. No matter how much you tried to help, the same people kept coming back with the same problems—and no interest in actually changing anything.
Now, you value your peace too much to entertain people who thrive on chaos. Not every call needs to be answered. Not every friendship deserves unlimited access to your time. You no longer let guilt trick you into being a free therapist for people who wouldn’t do the same for you.
8. You Regret Staying With The Wrong Men Because You’re Afraid Of Hurting Their Feelings
You knew the relationship was over, but breaking up felt too cruel. You told yourself he was a good guy, that maybe things would change, that you were just going through a phase. But the longer you stayed, the more miserable you became. And in the end, staying wasn’t kind—it was just postponing the inevitable. Love shouldn’t be about guilt, obligation, or feeling trapped.
Now, you understand that you’re not responsible for protecting someone else’s feelings at the expense of your own. If you’re not happy, you’re allowed to leave. It’s not selfish—it’s necessary. No one wins when a relationship is built on guilt instead of genuine connection.
9. You Regret Spending Holidays With People You Dreaded Seeing
Year after year, you forced yourself to attend gatherings that left you emotionally drained. You sat through awkward conversations, tolerated passive-aggressive comments, and kept up appearances because that’s just what you were “supposed” to do. But deep down, you longed for holidays that actually felt joyful. Instead, you spent them counting the minutes until you could leave.
Now, you give yourself permission to spend holidays on your own terms. That might mean skipping certain events, traveling, or surrounding yourself with people who actually make you feel good. Obligation doesn’t dictate your plans anymore—happiness does.
10. You Regret Becoming The Group “Planner” Because No One Else Would Step Up
Somehow, you became the unofficial event coordinator of your friend group—not because you loved planning, but because no one else ever stepped up. You booked the reservations, organized birthdays, coordinated group trips, and made sure everyone had a great time. But when you sat back and thought about it, you realized that if you didn’t plan, nothing would happen. And worse? No one ever really thanked you for it.
Now, you let go of the responsibility that was never really yours. If a friend group can’t function unless you’re the one making all the effort, then maybe it’s time to let some plans fall apart. The people who truly want to see you will step up. You don’t have to carry friendships on your back just to keep them alive.
11. You Regret Staying Friends With Toxic People Who Took Advantage Of You
You kept certain friendships alive long past their expiration date, even when they drained you more than they uplifted you. You made excuses for their behavior, tolerated their inconsistency, and convinced yourself that history alone was enough reason to stay. But deep down, you knew—just because you’d known someone for years didn’t mean they still deserved a place in your life.
Now, you value quality over history. You no longer feel guilty for walking away from people who only took from you but never gave back. True friendships are based on mutual respect, not one person constantly making all the effort. Letting go isn’t betrayal—it’s self-respect.
12. You Regret All The Chances You Gave To People Who Didn’t Deserve It
You wanted to believe the best in people. Every time someone let you down, you gave them another shot, hoping things would be different. But at some point, you realized you weren’t being understanding—you were being taken advantage of. The same people who swore they’d change always fell back into the same patterns, leaving you disappointed over and over again.
Now, you understand that second chances aren’t unlimited. If someone consistently shows you who they are, believe them the first time. Stop wasting time waiting for people to become who you hoped they’d be. Invest in relationships that feel safe, supportive, and reciprocal.
13. You Regret Not Standing Up For Yourself In The Past
For too long, you stayed quiet to avoid conflict. You let rude comments slide, tolerated disrespect, and swallowed your feelings instead of speaking up. You convinced yourself that keeping the peace was more important than defending yourself, but every time you bit your tongue, you lost a little bit of confidence in your own voice.
Now, you stand your ground. You speak up when something bothers you, call out mistreatment, and refuse to shrink yourself to make others comfortable. Setting boundaries isn’t mean—it’s necessary. And if someone can’t handle that? They were never truly in your corner to begin with.
