I Wanted To Be Friends With A Guy I Rejected But He Didn’t — Here’s Why It Hurt So Badly

I Wanted To Be Friends With A Guy I Rejected But He Didn’t — Here’s Why It Hurt So Badly ©iStock/svetikd

I went on a date with a guy who was really not my type, but I thought, “Why not? He might surprise me.” He did, but not in the way I expected. I knew after the first date that I didn’t want anything romantic with him, but he was such a funny and interesting guy that I really wanted to be friends. He didn’t — he had romantic feelings for me and didn’t think he could be “just friends” — and I was surprised by how hurt I was.

  1. We had a great connection. I couldn’t deny that there was an instant connection with him. We just clicked. It sucked that I experienced this with someone I didn’t want to date, but I was grateful to have experienced it nonetheless and I thought it could still be treasured in a friendship. It’s hard to find someone to click with!
  2. It’s also hard to find good friendsAs I’ve gotten older, it’s become more difficult to find real, decent friends. This guy was a really great guy and we had a lot of fun together. It was sad to think I was losing the chance to have a solid friendship. I understood it was hard for him to be friends because he liked me, but I was also hurting for a different reason. Sometimes losing a great friend is worse than losing out on a romantic relationship — especially when the guy in question is so respectful and decent.
  3. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been so comfortable with someone. We had chatted lots after the first time we met, before we went on an actual date. Those text and phone conversations were so much fun and I felt so comfortable with him. I could speak to him about my hopes, dreams and fears, and he was all ears. It was so refreshing after so many first dates with arrogant and selfish jerks who just wanted to talk about themselves all the time!
  4. He gave me hope for future love. Meeting this guy was a blessing because I’d really started to believe that I’d never find a cool guy who was on the same level as me. He gave me hope that there was love out there, just not with him. But that didn’t mean I didn’t want him to be in my life! I believe in holding onto the awesome people I meet because they’re really so rare to find.
  5. Platonic male friends are awesome. Every woman needs a guy or two who are just purely platonic. Male friendships can be really comforting, I find. They offer a different kind of emotional intimacy to female friendships. I saw this guy as being one of those friends who’d be the real deal, so it sucked that we were on different pages.
  6. He’d been around the block. The guy was quite a few years older than me and had gained lots of experience when it came to dating and relationships, even marriage. I found it interesting to hear about his stories and felt I could learn a lot. I had visions of calling him up in the near future and asking him to decode some baffling male behavior of some guy I was dating, which would have been awesome, especially since he was so easy to confide in.
  7. I knew I’d miss him. I really enjoyed our short time together and knew that I’d miss him – which I did. I missed hearing about his days and life, and his interesting views about the world. But I also knew that in the same way that he had respected me not wanting to have anything romantic with him, I had to respect his decision to walk away from a possible friendship, and I wished him all the best from the bottom of my heart. He deserved to find an amazing woman who would feel for him in the same way he felt about her.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.