There’s so much advice that I think we would all like to give the men in our lives when it comes to relationships. However, it’s easier said than done to put that plan into action. We also know that no one’s perfect. That doesn’t mean that there isn’t room for improvement, however. Here are some tenets guys could do with adhering to not only in love but in life in general.
- Honesty is the best policy. We’ve all heard this before, I know. We can all picture it plastered around every therapist’s office worth their salt. It doesn’t mean it isn’t true, though. The best cliches are always cliches for a reason. Honesty is the cornerstone of any good relationship. Mutual vulnerability and the generation of safe spaces to allow for solid conversations are so important. You can convince yourself that you have a good level of honesty in your relationship, but you know the real thing when you see it. You can’t fake it. That’s why men need to be told to be intentional and conscious when they’re being real with you. Honesty isn’t cruel either. It can be hard to swallow, but it’s never a tool intended to cause pain. Remember that, guys.
- Effective communication is key. One might think that there isn’t much of a difference between communication and honesty. That’s not the case. Open communication is nuanced and comes from a level of real understanding. While honesty can be a blunt instrument without much tact or subtlety, communication is more complex. It’s a harder skill to learn. The benefits are huge, though. Communication involves getting vulnerable and communicating needs and wants, not just telling another person that they’re wrong.
- Stop comparing us to your exes. This makes dating feel like a game of collection to you. If you’re a guy and you do this, stop. It makes you look like a wannabe player, and it makes us girls feel like commodities. People are so complex and it’s impossible to compare experiences. It’s reductive too. You can’t be an objective “good partner,” you can only be a good partner for a specific person, at a specific time and moment. Separate yourself from trying to measure your dating life, guys. This is something that we all wish the men we date would learn and improve on. It’s just basic respect, guys.
- Don’t play hard to get. That’s so 2012. We’re beyond that now. If we aren’t coming into relationships as equals with an equal stake and power in the relationship, you aren’t in a relationship. It’s as simple as that. There’s no excuse for trying to play hard to get when the internet makes us so accessible. Just respect people — we won’t chase you if you’re not worth it. It wastes everyone’s time.
- Don’t make dating a game. We aren’t competing here, guys. This isn’t something you can win or lose. Power dynamics can’t ruin relationships anymore. It’s such a sad situation to see real people experience heartbreak when men don’t give them the time of day, even though they secretly do like the other person. What does that achieve? Answer me that.
- Don’t string us along. I know that a lot of people have issues with ghosting, but sometimes it’s the easiest port of call. If you know that you aren’t interested in someone, just let them down now. We might experience hurt in the moment, but it’s far better to know that now than later. It risks further heartbreak otherwise. Do the mature thing and either tell them in person or just ghost them if you don’t want to have that conversation. Just do something to take responsibility for your actions.
- Establish boundaries early. This prevents that terrible situation of getting stuck in a relationship where you feel you can’t express yourself. It’s like, if you can’t talk to your partner, who do you expect to be able to talk to? If you assert early on that you want to communicate regularly, or have a date night every week, that makes it easier to judge the relationship against. If you aren’t having your needs met, you can communicate it much easier and neatly. Without these boundaries, it’s harder to know how to articulate what you need.
- Accept ‘no’ as a complete answer. Consent is increasingly essential to everyone’s understanding of modern relationships nowadays. Honestly, it always should have been. However, if there was one thing that we wish guys knew is how much we appreciate a guy that doesn’t make a fuss if we’re no longer interested. Don’t make us feel guilty or pressure us. The bar is on the floor, I know, but if you make us feel safe, women will be much more likely to be interested.
- Don’t be so shallow. I know that looks are important, but they aren’t the most important thing in a relationship. Not by a long shot. What about personality, careers, ambitions, and goals? Don’t ignore those factors and make sure you’re doing things for the right reasons. This is perhaps one of the best pieces of relationship advice for men and women both.
