My Relationship Was Becoming More And More Toxic, But I Didn’t See These Signs Until It Was Too late

When I was so invested in my relationship it was hard for me to take a step back and really see things for what they were. I didn’t realize how screwed up everything was until things came to an end, and by that time, it was already too late. The damage had been done, my self-esteem was in the gutter, my ego was bruised, and I was left with deep-rooted emotional scars that may never fade away. Looking back on things, here are the red flags I ignored when my relationship started becoming toxic:

1. Jealousy Became Rampant. Jealousy is a normal human emotion, but when we both became jealous over every little thing, it really did a number on our relationship. We were jealous because we didn’t trust each other, and without trust, our relationship became a toxic, destructive mess.
2. I Changed Into a Different Person. I couldn’t even recognize myself anymore. Of course, I looked the same on the outside, but my inner self is where most of the drastic changes took place. I was no longer the happy, joyful, and positive person that I used to be. My toxic relationship was seriously sucking the life out of me.
3. I Was Always the Butt of the Joke. He always found a way to turn every situation into an opportunity to ridicule, mock, and degrade me. I became the butt of all of his unfunny jokes, and I felt like I was being bullied in my own damn relationship.
4. I Was Afraid to Speak Out. I knew our issues were getting bad when I would cover for him all the time. When family and friends would ask me how our relationship was going, I would always lie. I knew they would tell me to walk away, or even worse, they would start to hate him more than I did. So I avoided talking about him in hopes that I could keep our toxic relationship a secret. I didn’t want any unsolicited advice, and I definitely didn’t want to drag my loved ones into my messed up situation.
5. Our Issues Were Never Resolved. In healthy relationships, most arguments end with some kind of resolution. But in my relationship, nothing ever got resolved. We would yell and hurl insults at each other like it was no big deal, and neither of us ever apologized in the end. We would just sweep the issue under the rug and pretend like everything was okay until the next big argument occurred.
6. I Always Felt Angry When He Was Around. In the beginning, being around him was my jam. I loved spending time with him, even if we were just lying around all day and doing nothing. But as our relationship became more and more toxic, I noticed that I was always angry whenever we were together. I didn’t expect be happy 100 percent of the time, but I definitely didn’t anticipate feeling like crap the majority of the time I was with someone I was supposed to be madly in love with.
7. I Felt Like I Was Walking on Eggshells. I became super paranoid that the next thing I said or did would spark another fight between us. There was no telling what would set him off, so I trod carefully most of the time as I attempted to keep the peace. It didn’t work, of course.
8. We Hated Being Together. I was envious of my friends who would bring their boyfriends and husbands along to group outings. I wanted so badly to have a relationship like theirs. To have a partner who loved being around me all the time seemed like a fantasy. But the difference between their relationships and mine was theirs were healthy, and mine was toxic. He and I couldn’t stand to be around each other most of the time, but being away from him was just as hard.
9. We Fought Dirty. I’d never fought dirty in my life until our relationship crept towards the edge of toxicity. We would hurl insults at each other, bring up each other’s pasts, and put each other down without thinking twice. It was normal for me to call him every other name in the book, and vice versa.
10. We Stopped Discussing Our Problems. It got to the point where we knew our relationship was over, but we weren’t exactly ready to walk away. We knew it was pointless to try to fix things, so we didn’t even bother discussing our relationship problems. I knew things were damaged when he no longer had the energy nor the patience to hear me out or listen to my concerns, and I couldn’t care less about how he felt or what he needed me to do to make him happy. We were stuck in the midst of a toxic relationship, and it was absolute hell.