Couples in long-term relationships are constantly trying to convince you that things are still exciting. They’ll exclaim, “He surprises me every day!” or “She’s a different person in the bedroom”—and while that’s sweet, it’s BS. Here’s the secret none of them are telling you: being in a long-term relationship is boring AF. But the other, even bigger secret? That’s what makes them so great—at least I think so.
My boyfriend and I know what we like.
I’ve always had a type (if you’ve got brown hair and glasses, stay away if you don’t want to be ravished), but now that I’ve been in a long-term relationship for a good few years, what I’m into has extended to include everything from restaurant choice to sex positions. My boyfriend and I have each other’s likes and dislikes down to a pretty fine art.
We go on pretty much the same date every weekend.
Whether we could even call it a date anymore is questionable—most of the time we don’t even leave the house, and not in a sexy, “we spend all our time in the bedroom” way. It’s more like a “hmm, it’s raining—Netflix and out?” vibe. If we do go out, there’s no question of him paying for dinner—we split everything 50/50. The romance is officially dead.
There are only so many ways you can reinvent the date.
When my girlfriends get a new match on Tinder, they agonize for days over restaurant choice and which activity says they’re up for a laugh while still letting them wear something more attractive than practical. In a long-term relationship, that gets wiped out pretty quickly. Why would I want to go to one of those pitch black restaurants or find some obscure sport to watch live when we can hang out in the local pub that we both love?
In my relationship, there are no surprises.
I know at least a week in advance what days I’m seeing my partner, what we’ll do when we see each other, and whether or not I can expect to get laid. I haven’t got the time or the energy to stress myself out wondering if he’ll text me first—if I want to speak to him, I call him; if I miss him, I send him 10 messages in a row telling him.
Spontaneity really isn’t the magic ingredient in a relationship.
For some reason, people associate the “spark” with constantly being surprised. We’re terrified of things getting boring once we’ve been with someone for a while. But why is everyone so obsessed with spontaneity? I happen to like knowing that if my date says to come over at seven, he’ll be there ready and waiting. And who wants to get to Thursday night and still not know if they can expect to see their guy over the weekend? Give me boring old certainty any day of the week.
If you want reliability and security, you have to kiss the excitement goodbye.
The best thing about being in a long-term relationship is being with someone who cares about you and whose actions remind you of that all the time. Having someone only text you every now and again isn’t exciting, it’s nerve-wracking and does nothing for your self-esteem. My guy might not be whipping me away on a romantic getaway every weekend, but he won’t run a mile when I suggest booking a vacation six months from now either.
If you’re constantly needing to “spice up” your relationship, are you really that compatible?
Where did people get this idea that everything has to be new all the time? Nothing fills me with more dread than the idea of injecting some excitement into my relationship, especially in the bedroom. If your partner is boring your pants off, you don’t need to whip out the Kama Sutra manual, you need to find someone you’re more compatible with.
Waking up to that same boring face makes me happy every time.
After a few years with someone, you get to know them inside out. The best part of my day? Waking up to that same old smiling face and knowing he loves me just as much as he always has. The idea of a one-night stand positively freaks me out at this stage—I’ll take having someone that’s used to seeing me without makeup any day of the week.
We know what makes each other happy and focus on doing as much of that as possible.
My boyfriend knows everything there is to know about me. Rather than being depressingly dull, this means that he knows exactly how to cheer me up, make me laugh and turn me on. I love knowing all his little quirks and secrets and have got detecting his mood from the tiniest change in facial expression down to a fine art. Knowing exactly what each other likes and dislikes makes us both a better partner to the other.
I wouldn’t change my dull AF relationship for the world.
In my long-term relationship, every day is the same and I know who I’m going to be sitting opposite at the dinner table for the next 50 years. When every day is spent with your best friend and you can’t get enough of that boring-ass face, things suddenly don’t seem so dull.
Sponsored: The best dating/relationships advice on the web. Check out Relationship Hero a site where highly trained relationship coaches get you, get your situation, and help you accomplish what you want. They help you through complicated and difficult love situations like deciphering mixed signals, getting over a breakup, or anything else you’re worried about. You immediately connect with an awesome coach on text or over the phone in minutes. Just click here…
- I Didn’t Understand Why I Kept Ending Up With Toxic Guys Until I Realized These Important Things
- They Might Not Seem Like It, But These 12 Things Are Emotional Abuse
- “Duty Dating” Is A Thing And You Need To Start Doing It ASAP
- 12 Reasons You’re Single Even Though You’re A Catch
- 17 Life Struggles Of Women Who Are Naturally Loud
- You Know You’re In An Almost Relationship If You’re Sending Him These Texts
- Your Drunk Self Is Your Truest Self, Science Says
- 14 Little Things That Look Like Love But Are Actually Manipulation
Share this article now!