Every relationship has a defining moment, one that makes you question whether you’re in the relationship for the long haul or you’re simply passing the time. But how do you know the difference – and more importantly, how do you go about finding that out if you’re utterly clueless on where to start? Asking yourself these questions will give you all the insight you need on where you stand:
- Will I Still Be Able To Look At You When I’m Angry And Hating Every Piece Of You? Relationships don’t always run smoothly. In fact, arguments are healthy and allow for growth by determining new boundaries and opening communication lines. While you may not be a fan of confrontation, you can sometimes determine your level of commitment to the relationship you’re in and the person you’re in it with by how you feel when things are at their worst. In other words, if you’re absolutely furious of him but still know without a shadow of a doubt that you love him and wouldn’t want to imagine your life without him, it’s a sure sign your feelings run deep and are pretty damn genuine.
- Are Our Levels Of Commitment Equal? Commitment can be a huge issue if you’re not both on the same page. If you want him to be all-in, you have to be ready and willing to offer the same in return. A couple’s level of commitment is evident in actions, of course, but it’s also a topic of conversation you shouldn’t shy away from. Are you both on the same page about where you stand? Do you see the same things in your future as a couple? Do you see a future at all? If you’re seeing eye to eye on what the relationship is worth and what you’re both willing to do for it, that’s a good sign.
- Am I Able To Be Me Or Do I Wear A Mask When I’m With You? We all present the most polished versions of ourselves when we meet someone new, but that mask is removed the more you get to know one another (or at least it should be). Once you start to truly get to know someone and form a relationship with them, you need to feel comfortable and confident enough to be who you truly are without being ashamed or worried that your partner is going to judge you or think less of you. Are you free to be you, flaws and all, around him? If not, you need to figure out why that is and if anything can be done to fix it.
- Do I Consider You My Equal And Vice Versa? Equality isn’t just a word thrown around in the battle of the sexes, it’s a vital part of the foundation in any relationship. If it’s a long term, stable relationship you’re looking for then it’s important that you’re standing side by side, not one above another. This isn’t a tiered viewing deck. Your thoughts, feelings, opinions and desires should be equally as important to one another. Otherwise, it’ll never work.
- Can I Burp, Fart And Say What I Like In Front Of You? It’s not “ladylike,” no, but who the hell cares? If you’re six months in and still wear makeup to bed, blame the dog for that terrible smell and censor your potty mouth to keep up appearances of being prim and proper, that just won’t do. A guy who loves you would never expect you to to embody some preconceived notion of a perfect woman without any human attributes – in fact, he’ll appreciate the less refined parts of you just as much as the more put together side.
- Are We Just Different Enough To Complement Each Other? Imagine two perfectly identical people in a relationship. Not only would it get boring, it would be absolutely pointless. You need to have some things in common – and likely you do since you needed something to bond over to begin with – and you should agree on the big stuff in life, but you also need to have your own hobbies, opinions, etc. in order to keep things interesting and to continue giving you stuff to talk about.
- Do I Trust You? This is as simple as a yes or no. If the answer comes as a “yes, but…” then you need to question whether the issue lies with you or your partner. If it’s you, it’s time to sort yourself out; if it’s him, you really need to ask why. You might be tempted to believe that trust is a complicated thing but it’s really not. Do you feel safe with him? Do you feel confident that he is loyal and faithful to you? It’s as easy as that.
- Do We Live In The Real World Together Or Are We Living The Honeymoon Fantasy? Every relationship begins in the honeymoon phase. There are giggles, eye lid bats and sneaky caresses but eventually those little things give way to the reality of work, bills and the grown up idea of commitment. While the honeymoon fantasy is a nice place to visit, you can’t make an entire lifetime in it. The real test is living in the boring day-to-day and still feeling like he makes every day exciting.