Is Your Relationship Dragging You Down? 10 Ways To Tell

Every relationship has ups and downs. But sometimes, a relationship can change you — and, not always for the better. If you haven’t been feeling like yourself lately, your romance may be to blame. Here are a few signs that the guy you’re with is leaving you depressed.

  1. You wish your sex like was more active, but hate being the one to initiate. In your head, you know it’s no big deal. Dry spells happen a lot. But at the same time, you’re feeling self-conscious about yourself. Maybe he’s no longer attracted to you, or maybe there’s someone else. The longer this incompatibility goes on, the more upset you’re bound to get about it. If you’re starting to accept the fact that you’ll just have a sexless relationship, then the depression has already started to sink in.
  2. You’ve accepted the fact that he’s just not romantic. Back when you first met, he was a little better, but you still made excuses to yourself as to why he wasn’t sweeping you off your feet. These days, it’s just nice if he acknowledges that you’re in the room. Don’t fool yourself — every relationship isn’t like this. You need to either discuss your issues and see a counselor, or end things before you give up on the idea of true love.
  3. You only want to leave the house as a couple. Can you even remember the last time you went out to grab groceries by yourself? If it’s been a few months, you may even feel anxious at the thought. This is a big problem — and something you need to address sooner rather than later. By trying to do everything as a unit, you’re forgetting that you have your own identity and were your own person before this guy came around. The best relationships require distance at times.
  4. You’ve gained weight. Weight gain happens in a lot of relationships. But if the pounds come on, and never go away — or just continue to grow — you’re going to start feeling bad about yourself. And, bad in general. People come in all shapes and sizes, but by ditching your prior healthy habits for lazy fast food dinners day in and day out, you’re setting yourself, and your relationship, up to fail.
  5. Even when you’re together, you feel lonely. That’s a big sign that you’re not getting what you need out of this relationship. Sure, you’re never going to be “on” 24/7 with anyone, but if his companionship leaves you sad and wanting more, it’s easy to conclude that your partnership is causing your depression.
  6. You know you’re not on the same page about goals, but you’re staying with him since you’re comfortable. If you want kids and he doesn’t, why are you still together? It may be because inside, you feel like you’ll never find the right person. So that makes you stay exactly where you are. Don’t throw your life away because you’ve grown too lazy to move on. It’s hard to do, but you’ll eventually feel so much better taking control once again.
  7. He seems to yell at you about the smallest issues. It’s nothing that you’d categorize as verbal abuse, but it happens all the time. If he’s frustrated, he takes it out on you. He doesn’t call you names, but he gives you a constant attitude. This kind of behavior will wear someone down and make them feel depressed. However, if it’s something that happens all the time, you may forget that it’s not normal or healthy.
  8. Your family isn’t calling you as much as they used to. It’s not that they don’t love you, it’s just that they don’t know what to say. They’re not really fond of your partner, and topics of discussion have dwindled. It’s almost like you don’t even know what to say to them anymore. Consider the fact that maybe you’ve changed and just aren’t your best self. If you’re staying in your relationship solely to prove your parents wrong, just know it’s doing you more harm than you think.
  9. You wish your boyfriend was more motivated. The two of you could be in a better financial situation if he just applied himself more at work. But, when you bring it up, he gets upset. When you’re with someone who doesn’t want to make improvements in both of your lives, you’ll end up resenting them. If the financial burden has got you down, you may find yourself feeling better if you left the relationship behind. When you’re in control of your own money and know the bills are getting paid, that fog will lift.
  10. You’re surrounded by a constant mess. When you enter a clean room, you feel better. So if your boyfriend is incapable of cleaning up after himself, your mental health may be impacted. Set up a chore wheel and demand he sticks to it, for your own sake. If he refuses, or doesn’t want to pony up the full cost of a cleaning service, consider moving out for your own well-being.
Karen Belz is a New Jersey native who is currently living in Maryland. She has a Bachelor’s Degree in Speech Communication with a focus in Broadcasting and Print Media Studies from Millersville University of Pennsylvania. Since graduating, she has written for sites like LittleThings, HelloGiggles, and Scary Mommy and is currently an e-commerce editor at Bustle.

When she's not writing, she enjoys making her phone run out of memory after taking too many photos of her dog. You can find her on Twitter @karenebelz or on Instagram @karenbelz.