Your Relationship Should Energize You, Not Exhaust You

You might not even realize that you’re so unhappy with your boyfriend that you’re tired of everything and have lost your enthusiasm for life. Here are some signs to look for that it’s time to GTFO and be happy again:

  1. You think about your partner all the time. But not in a good way. You wonder where he is, why he hasn’t called, who he’s with, why he hasn’t been on Facebook… It’s stressful and emotionally draining to spend so much time thinking about your partner, but is it happening because you don’t feel secure in the relationship? It just might be.
  2. You look forward to the weekend with your single friends. You are SO looking forward to hanging out with your single friends this weekend that you can’t remember the last time you felt so excited about anything. Plus, you can’t help but admit that sometimes you wish you were single again too because it looks like those single women are having loads of fun.
  3. You feel exhausted after a date. You don’t go home after a date feeling excited to see your partner again like you used to. You end up putting your phone on airplane mode and wanting to sleep for 12 hours straight because you’re tired AF.
  4. You end conversations early. During a long chat via text with your boyfriend, you’re usually the one to end things with the excuse that you’re busy or going to bed. It’s just that you don’t feel the sparkle with your partner anymore and conversations have started to feel like chores.
  5. You dread hearing from him. When you’re doing your own thing, you see your boyfriend’s name pop up on your phone screen and feel dread. Uh-oh. That’s not a good sign. Possible reasons for this include being tired of your partner dumping all his drama on you, feeling sick of fighting all the time… you get the picture.
  6. You shut up a lot. When something’s on your mind, you tend to ignore it instead of speak to your partner about it. The result is that you’re locking up your real self and feelings, which is exhausting. Ask yourself why you don’t feel comfortable to speak to your partner. Is it because you feel you can’t be yourself around him or because he blows up at any little issue, causing you to have to walk around on eggshells?
  7. You’ve stopped trying altogether. You used to have enthusiasm to do things in your relationship, like cook your boyfriend dinner or surprise him with a mini break, but he always criticizes your efforts so you’ve thrown in the towel. You’ve become jaded and that’s not a good look.
  8. Everything feels like way too much effortIt feels like you’ve only got a limited amount of energy and some things just feel like too much of a waste of it, such as sex or going out for dinner. It’s like you’ve already checked out of the relationship because it doesn’t make you feel alive.
  9. You’re tiring other people. You speak to your friends about your relationship problems all the time. It’s reached a point where they’ve told you they’re exhausted by it. If you’re tiring other people with your exhaustion, then you know it’s a problem.
  10. You don’t really talk. Sure, you still chat about stuff, but it seems like it’s usually light topics. Gone are the days when you could get knee-deep in an interesting conversation or confide in each other about your lives. It’s like you’re slowly pulling away from each other.
  11. You’ve stopped fighting. You just don’t have the will to argue about things, even if they involve issues that need to be resolved in order for your relationship to last. You just seem to accept situations, but what’s the point? It’s killing you!
  12. You’ve lost your shine. People who know you say that you don’t really seem like yourself lately. Maybe you just don’t put in the same effort into your appearance as you used to, or you just don’t seem like your usual vibrant, confident self. You’re being physically and emotionally drained.
  13. You get sick more often. You never really used to come down with colds and flu, but lately it’s like you’re always suffering from some or other ailment. This can be a sign that you’re heavily stressed in your relationship because your immune system is taking such a knock from your emotional drama.
  14. You get irritated by small things. Maybe you and your partner don’t fight anymore about anything, but on the other side of the spectrum, it could be that you fight too much. You might find yourself losing your cool over small, petty things, like how they didn’t fasten the cap on the toothpaste tube or how they took half an hour to get back to you about dinner plans. Fighting all the time is really a cry for help or maybe you’re hoping that one of these fights will be the last one you ever have.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.