When it comes to matters of the heart, honesty means everything. There are lots of things that make relationships run smoothly but lying has never been one of them. All dishonesty does is put a barrier between you and your partner and create room for things to get out of hand.
This is a VERY big deal. I understand that it can be difficult to fess up about debt, how much you make, and your spending habits, but if you’re in a relationship that you want to be in for a long time, you have to get over your shame or whatever and be transparent. Lying about having less or more than you actually do will come back to bite you in the butt by creating a sense of distrust that’ll be hard to shake.
Wanting or not wanting kids
If you know you want or don’t want kids and your partner wants the exact opposite, you’ve got to own up to your desires. Lying outright or just going along because you don’t want to lose them will actually end in you losing them. The only way to know if someone really wants to be with you is to give them all the facts and let them choose to either stay or walk away before resentment sets in.
Being OK with something when you’re not
More often than not, people are inclined to lie about how they really feel. I used to go out with this guy who knew I was non-monogamous and pretended like he was too. What he wanted was for us to be exclusive, but he thought he could learn to live without that. By the end, he hated me for what I couldn’t give him and hated himself for loving me anyway.
Your physical or mental health
I cannot tell you how many relationships have fallen apart because of all the lies I told about my mental health. Even though I was only trying to protect them from what I felt was a complicated and unstable mess, it created a rift that just kept growing wider until we were completely undone. If you deal with depression or anxiety, don’t keep this to yourself. Your partner should know, end of story.
Stuff about your past
Whether it’s shady dealings you used to be involved in, a past marriage, kids, or relationships, keeping it from your partner is not the way to go. If they eventually find out, they’re going to wonder about other information you’ve withheld or plain lied about. The point of being in a relationship is having a safe space to share your messy histories.
Feelings about your ex
Willfully deceiving your partner about where you stand with your ex is only going to make them distrust you. You’re also going to hurt their feelings because they’ll feel like they’ve been made a fool of. If you’re not completely over your ex, just be honest about it and see if it’s something you can move past together.
Your interactions with other people
Sure, you’re not cheating and nothing is really happening with this guy you’re really close to. But minimizing the extent of your relationship or omitting to mention it is already a sign that you’re doing something sketchy. If you keep certain interactions to yourself and it comes up later, it’s going to feel like you’re hiding something. All secrecy does is set your relationship up for an unfortunate outcome.
What you really want
If you’re not being completely truthful about your expectations from a relationship, you’re setting the stage for disappointment, distrust, frustration, resentment, and anger. Talk about what you need instead of deferring to your partner especially if it’s important to you. Otherwise, you’re going to end up mad at yourself and them.
Everyone has one or two things that are a dealbreaker in a relationship. Or something that they absolutely can’t do without. Withholding these information from your partner or lying about them is to harm the relationship. How do you make a person feel safe and loved if they can’t open up to you about what makes them tick?
Plans for the future
Do you want kids? Do you want to get married? Are you planning on taking a new job in a different city? Where do you see yourself in two, three, five years? Are you fine with living in your partner’s dream city? Lying about things that pertain to the future is never a good idea because when the future arrives, it might not be what you both want, and that realization is going to hurt more. Building castles in the air is not fair to either of you.
Your sex life
Your relationship won’t last if you’re not being honest about your sexual preferences, sexuality, fetishes, or even how much satisfaction you’re getting out of having sex with your partner. Not only are you going to be left feeling unsatisfied, that dishonesty will eventually spread to the areas of the relationship.
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