Is Your Relationship Really That Great Or Do You Just Want Everyone To Think It Is?

When things aren’t great in your relationship, do your friends, family and social media connections have a clue? You make your life and your relationship sound perfect, but is that actually the case or is your love life full of ups and downs just like everyone else’s?

  1. Are there problems in your relationship? You might not want to admit it, but every relationship has its issues. You’re focusing on how your relationship appears rather than actually dealing with the problems it has. The people in your life might not now what’s truly going on, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t happening — and trying to convince the world that you’re living a fairytale romance isn’t going to fix things.
  2. No relationship is perfect. So why do you insist on pretending yours is? You’re not defying the laws of nature — perfection is unattainable. The only person you’re fooling into thinking your relationship is flawless is yourself, so maybe you should spend a little less time worrying about how your love life looks and a little more time focusing on your actual relationship.
  3. Stop caring so much what other people think. Why does it matter if the girls you went to high school with think you’ve found the perfect man? Does it really mean that much to prove to your friends, family and acquaintances that you’ve finally found love? At the end of the day, just because people think your life is perfect doesn’t make it true.
  4. Obsessing over appearances is a coping mechanism. When you’re in a relationship, your greatest fear is that things will end. When times get tough, when you’re in a rut, when your relationship starts going downhill, the only way you cope is by obsessing over how your love life appears to everyone around you. Hiding the problems won’t make them go away. Those issues are still there and if you continue caring more about appearances than your actual relationship, your problems will only get bigger.
  5. Are you truly happy? Pretending to be happy when you’re not won’t do you or your relationship any good. Happiness isn’t a “fake it ‘til you make it” kind of thing. Just because you act happy around your friends doesn’t mean you actually are. The longer you pretend, the unhappier you’ll be, because at the end of the day, you’re living a lie.
  6. Are you using social media to brag? Think about your recent posts. Were they an accurate depiction of your relationship and your life, or were they exaggerated, edited and filtered to make your relationship look greater than it is. Making other people feel bad about the fact that they don’t have a love like you won’t make your relationship any better and it just may make others feel worse.
  7. Do you discuss your relationship with your partner in person? He doesn’t need you to tell him how wonderful he is on a platform where everyone can see it. What’s important is that you tell him how you feel when you’re together. Face to face is the real mark of intimacy, so learn to communicate one on one instead of on your Facebook walls and Twitter feeds.
  8. Do you feel secure in your relationship? People who constantly post and brag about their relationships are more likely to feel insecure in those relationships. They use social media as a sort of defense mechanism. They want to prove to others that their relationship is happy because maybe if their social connections believe it, they’ll believe it too.
  9. Do your friends know what’s really going on? If you have a fight with your boyfriend, do you tell your girls or do you simply pretend like everything is perfect? You shouldn’t mask your true feelings from the people you love. Your boyfriend can’t be the only person you trust. If you don’t let people in, then when the relationship falls apart, the only shoulder you can cry on is your own.
  10. What do you think of your relationship? That’s what matters here. What you think and what your partner thinks should be the only viewpoints you care about when it comes to your love life. There are two people in this relationship — you and him. So stop focusing on public opinion, and start dealing with the opinions that matter — yours and his.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.