Our Relationship Sucked The First Time — Why Would I Come Back For More?

We dated, fell in love and (occasionally) enjoyed a long relationship together before we realized it wasn’t working anymore and broke up. We definitely have a colorful (and long) history, I’ll give you that, but that doesn’t mean we should have a future. I’m just not interested in getting back together — here’s why:

  1. Our past wasn’t that great. We had one hell of a relationship — “hell” being the operative word in that sentence. You don’t seem to understand that, though. Instead, you’re idealizing our relationship in your head and making it seem better than it actually was. When you look back through our history, you only see the good times, while I haven’t forgotten the bad (and I don’t think I ever will).
  2. I’ve moved on. I know you’re still holding on to what we had, but I’m not. I’ve moved on from our relationship and I’ve fully let go of our past. In all honesty, I think it’s time for you to do the same. It’s not healthy for you to keep holding onto me when there’s no chance of a future for you and me. Don’t you want to be with someone who can actually make you happy?
  3. Getting back with you would just be settling. I don’t want to settle for something familiar, convenient or even just content. Sure, we already know each other and what being together is like and that makes things sound easy, but if easy means being with a man I don’t truly love then I’d rather do hard. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to find the love I know I deserve and I won’t settle for going back to you just because that’s the easy thing to do.
  4. We just weren’t good for each other. We didn’t bring out the best in each other. Frankly, despite the fact that we loved each other, we brought out the worst. Our relationship wasn’t healthy. We were in a never-ending war with each other — our entire relationship was just one fight after the next. We had more bad times than good, so why on earth would I want that hell of a relationship back? Why would YOU?
  5. Our problems will still be there. We broke up for a reason. We had problems we couldn’t overcome, and that’s why we broke up. Time isn’t going to fix the fact that we’re just not right for each other. Time might heal the wound of our breakup but it isn’t going to heal our problems.
  6. I want to look forward, not back. If my head is stuck in the past, I’ll never move forward with my life. Things didn’t work out and going back to a relationship I already know doesn’t work would just be taking three steps back in my life. Getting back with you would be the exact definition of a setback. I won’t do that. I’m choosing to move on and move forward, and I’m done looking back.
  7. I don’t believe in getting back together. If we could have worked things out before, we would have. Breaking up isn’t a solution to a problem — it’s the end of the problem. We couldn’t find a way to make our relationship work and that’s why it ended. Getting back together would just be letting history repeat itself, and I refuse to do that to either of us.
  8. I’m going to learn from the mistakes I made with you. Our relationship was a rollercoaster, full of ups and downs, twists and turns, and points where I feared I wouldn’t make it off the ride. You made mistakes and so did I. I was jealous, vindictive and petty as hell. If you hurt me, I wanted to hurt you right back. I made a lot of mistakes, but I’m learning from them. Going back to you would erase all that because getting back with a guy who’s all wrong for me is just another unjustifiable mistake.
  9. I don’t want us to be a backup plan. I don’t want you there waiting for me just in case I never find my prince. I also don’t want to be the girl you settle for because you think this is real love. We both deserve to sever ties completely and truly open ourselves up to new love. I don’t want you to be my safety net. If I fall, I don’t need you to catch me.
  10. I want my future to be better than my past. I’m trying to have a positive outlook on my future, despite our negative past. We have a lot of history together, but that doesn’t need to be my legacy in love. I truly believe there’s someone better out there for you, and I know there’s someone better for me. We have a long history, but that’s all it is, history — just a thing of the past.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.
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