9 Warning Signs In Relationships That Can Mistakenly Feel Like Butterflies

Some butterflies (and even a light level of anxiety in the beginning of a relationship) are definitely normal and can be a good thing, but if you’re feeling a lot of fluttering in your stomach because of your relationship, make sure you’re not ignoring some major red flags.

  1. You often find yourself staring at your phone, waiting for your partner to text you or call you back. Have you been overly attached to your phone lately, impatiently waiting for a text back and feeling super excited when you finally see their name pop up on the screen? You might think that’s a good thing and a sign that you’re really into your new partner, but in all honesty, it’s unhealthy to be so preoccupied with when they’ll send you a message. You should feel secure enough in your relationship to not be worried about whether or not they’ll text you and how long it’ll take for them to do so.
  2. Your partner is super unpredictable and your feelings are determined by their hot and cold behavior. Your relationship shouldn’t be chaotic and crazy — it should feel safe and calm. So often people mistake the rush of chaotic and toxic relationships for passion and love. A little spontaneity is fun and exciting, but you should be able to depend on your partner and feel confident in your relationship at all times. If your partner is unreliable and it seems like the way they treat you changes faster than the weather, it’s not butterflies, it’s a warning sign.
  3. You don’t feel comfortable being around them with no makeup. If you feel like you always need to look completely done up when you’re around your partner, you might see it as a sign that you want to impress them and you really care about their opinion of you. However, it’s actually a red flag if you don’t want to let your hair down, so to speak, and simply be yourself. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to get all dolled up for your S.O., but the thought of them seeing you first thing in the morning before you’ve straightened your hair or applied concealer shouldn’t make you uneasy.
  4. You obsessively creep on their social media accounts as well as their exes or any other people you’re suspicious about. Once again, you might write this behavior off as having strong feelings and caring a lot for your partner, and the anxiety you feel while scrolling through Facebook and Instagram might seem like butterflies. No one should have to play private detective with their partner, and if you feel like they’re being dishonest or even simply not telling you the whole story, it’s a sign that your relationship isn’t healthy.
  5. They push you out of your comfort zone to a point that makes you feel nervous and/or scared. It can be healthy for your partner to push you out of your comfort zone a little and encourage you to grow and expand your knowledge and experiences. Feeling nervous and maybe even scared because your partner insists you do things that make you uncomfortable and cross your boundaries isn’t a fluttering of affection but rather a red flag that they don’t have your best interest at heart.
  6. There are parts of your personality that you haven’t yet revealed to your partner or that you’ve exaggerated. You might not be acting completely fake or lying, but you don’t feel comfortable being your complete self around them. It’s possible that you enjoy only showing what you think are the best sides of your personality to your partner and find that exciting and intriguing. You might feel more confident in the attributes you choose to showcase to your partner and it might feel like an escape from any traits you are self-conscious about. The truth is that you may be able to hide certain parts of your personality for a period of time or embellish others, but eventually, it’s going to become exhausting and impossible to do so.
  7. You’re excited about spending time with their friends or doing things they enjoy but they don’t reciprocate. Being included in your partner’s life is a definite good thing and it can be a sign that they generally want you to be part of their world. However, it shouldn’t be a one-way street, and if they always expect you to go out with their friends or do what they want to do, it’s a sign that they’re selfish and don’t want to compromise. The excited feeling you get from being included in your partner’s plans could be butterflies, but if it’s their way or the highway, it’s a warning sign instead.
  8. It seems like you always have something to forgive them for. Every couple fights from time to time, but if your partner is consistently and carelessly hurting your feelings or being shady and disappointing you, it’s time to get some self-respect and stop accepting this kind of behavior no matter how strong your feelings for them are. Sometimes we get stuck in unhealthy cycles where we’re almost addicted to the high of making up with our partner, but that doesn’t justify the toxic way they treat you during the low times.
  9. You literally can not focus on or talk about anything else besides your relationship. Balance is the key to everything in life, and while it may seem like being infatuated and obsessed with your partner is a good sign for your relationship, it’s actually unhealthy and can negatively affect the other parts of your life. If you are fixated on your relationship to the point you’re neglecting other people and things in your life, it probably means that your relationship is lacking the security and comfort that is necessary for it to be happy and healthy long-term.
Kerry is a freelance writer from Boston, Massachusetts who now lives in the Sunshine State with the love of her life and her 15 month old daughter. She writes frequently about her personal experiences (find more of her work on www.followmetogetlost.wordpress.com). She has an Etsy shop with cute items: https://www.etsy.com/shop/FollowMeToGetLostWhen she's not writing, she loves to spend time outside, at the beach, and with her family.