It’s easy to focus on all the jerks out there, but in doing so, you’re missing all the other men who are perfectly decent. Contrary to popular belief (and your potentially disastrous dating history), good men exist. They’re everywhere, in fact—you just have to pay attention.
There are plenty of terrible men out there.
Let’s face it, some men totally suck. They suck hard. Too many men have hurt people, often women and non-binary people, and they continue to do it. We could talk all day about how much harm these men can do, but we’ll just leave it at that validation—they undoubtedly exist. I’m not saying they don’t.
They just can’t all be bad.
There’s no way that every single man on the planet is crappy. I just refuse to believe that no good ones exist. When you say all men are jerks, you’re dismissing a whole gender. It’d be like saying all t-shirts are bad because a couple of them have offensive things on them. That’d just be silly.
I actually know good men.
Perhaps because I’m open to seeing the good in men, I have good ones in my life. They’re kind and loving and they remind me that not all men are bad. I have one guy in my life who’s one of the most gentle and supportive people I know, more than some women and non-binary people. I’ve also dated good men, ones who are worth trusting. They exist, I promise!
This assumes women aren’t jerks, which isn’t true.
If we’re assuming that all men are jerks, it’s also assuming women or non-binary people are perfect angels. This just isn’t true. Women and non-binary folks can surely be jerky. I mean, I’ve been a jerk before and I identify as a woman. We’re just usually called something else when we act meanly.
Often women are traumatized and think all men are bad.
As I said, some men have done some really horrible stuff, leaving a woman or otherwise filled with trauma. When this happens, fear drives the car. They are terrified of men because they think they’re going to hurt them as others have. The #MeToo movement is real. They’re also angry that these things happened to them. I can’t blame them, but it’s important to heal from this.
Some feminists do hate all men.
Hey, it’s worth just being honest about: some feminists flat-out hate men. Perhaps they’ve been habitually traumatized and have lost the ability to have compassion for the male gender. I’m not saying it’s right, I’m just validating their experience. It’s sad but I get it.
I’m not advocating for #notallmen.
This hashtag has become a movement where men invalidate women’s stories. For example, a woman may come forward saying she was sexually assaulted. Instead of having validation and sympathy for her, he’s shutting down her story. It’s a defense mechanism that’s completely unnecessary. It’s a form of denial and shifting of blame.
You must have a man or two in your life that’s good.
I refuse to believe that you don’t know any good men at all. Maybe they’re a celebrity/political figure or someone in your close circle. Whoever he is, he exists. There are men out there that will treat you the way you deserve or are currently doing so. Keep your eyes open for them!
The solution is to pay attention to those ones who you feel good around.
Hold onto those men who treat you well and treat others well. Remember that they exist and return their kindness in-kind. The more you focus on the ones bringing you up, the less the others can bring you down.
All men are good, many have just lost their way.
I’m about to get all wooey-wooey on you. I really believe that all humans are fundamentally good and that we all possess goodness that can’t be squandered by anything. The problem is that some people lose touch with that core. They forgot that they’re a member of a society that’s interconnected. They forget that they’re interacting with other humans. They’ve lost their way. This has happened to some men, but not all of them.
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