After a breakup, it’s hard not to think about all the things you could have done differently — but regret isn’t going to change anything, so there’s no point in beating yourself up forever. The fact is, there were plenty of reasons it had to end, and not all of them were your fault. Every time you start to wonder why things didn’t turn out differently, remember that you did the right thing, and focus on the future instead of the past.
Chances are, your ex wasn’t The One.
Most breakups happen because two people just aren’t right for each other. If you were, you’d still be together. So try not to label your ex as ‘the one that got away’, because it’ll just end up being a self-fulfilling prophecy and you’ll condemn yourself to pining after them forever.
You can’t change things now anyway.
Beating yourself up about how things ended isn’t going to change anything. You could keep punishing yourself, but what good will it do? Try spending your energy making peace with what happened instead of wishing things were different somehow and you’ll be able to move on a lot faster.
A breakup takes two people.
There’s no way everything that went wrong was all your fault and your fault alone, so don’t ever think you deserve to be the one shouldering all the blame.
Regret will only hold you back.
Feeling like you should have done something different will keep you firmly planted in the past. It’s pretty hard to look forward when you can’t stop thinking about things you’ll never be able to change. Don’t let regret hold you back from moving on with your life.
There are plenty of other people out there.
It didn’t work out with this one, but luckily, there are thousands of single people left in the world. It’s not like you threw away your last chance at love, so quit feeling sorry for yourself.
You don’t want them back anyway.
At least you don’t want your ex and your relationship back as-is. You broke up because things weren’t going well, and even if you did get back together, everything that was wrong with your relationship wouldn’t suddenly disappear.
Some things are out of your control.
If the other person was the one that ended things, there’s probably not much you could have said or done to change their mind. There’s no point in regretting anything now, because you never could have controlled what they wanted or the choice they made.
You can learn from your mistakes.
Instead of obsessing over whatever it is you think you did wrong, try to learn from your mistakes. No relationship is a waste of time as long as you’re self-aware and humble enough to admit that you probably weren’t perfect either.
Not every relationship is meant to be forever.
Just because a relationship ended doesn’t mean it was a failure. Some people are only meant to be in your life for a short time, so try to appreciate the good parts and stop dwelling on the bad.
Now you’re free to figure out what you want.
Being in a relationship that is unraveling has a tendency to be all-consuming. Now that it’s officially over, you can start strengthening friendships, figuring out your next career move, and focusing on what you really want for yourself outside of having a relationship.
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