Reminder: Being Cheated On Is Never Your Fault

Reminder: Being Cheated On Is Never Your Fault ©iStock/JANIFEST

You thought your boyfriend was completely devoted to you — that is, until you found out he cheated. Why on earth would he betray you like that? When you confront him, he comes up with a million excuses and somehow puts some of the blame on you. You already know he can’t be trusted, so don’t believe this lie for a second. Being cheated on is never your fault.

  1. If there were problems, he should have communicated them first. Whether there were problems with your sex life or emotional relationship, he should have just talked to you rather than sleeping with another girl. Honestly, what was cheating going to solve?
  2. He could have just broken up with you. If he wanted to be with someone else, then why didn’t he just break up with you? Sure, it would have hurt seeing him move on two seconds later, but at least you wouldn’t be sitting at home, expecting him to be faithful. The truth is, he didn’t have the balls to break up with you, and that’s why he took the coward’s way out.
  3. Sex and love aren’t separate entities. He might try and justify his behavior by saying it was “just sex.” What does that even mean? Sex is a part of your relationship, a key component of your commitment to one another, so he’s basically saying that sex with you is no different from sex with anyone else. He doesn’t connect your sexual relationship to love. Physically and emotionally he’s disconnected, and that’s his problem, not yours.
  4. You deserve loyalty. You’re honestly not asking that much for a man to just be faithful to you. You were in a committed relationship, so when and why did he stop honoring that commitment? How would he feel if the tables were turned and you were the one cheating on him? Pretty damn disrespected, probably.
  5. This was his choice, and he holds all the responsibility. Don’t blame yourself. Blame your douchebag of a boyfriend. His life is in his hands. He should have controlled himself, but he didn’t. That was a choice he made all by himself, so the only person responsible here is him.
  6. Monogamy isn’t dead. Despite the fact that some men would like you to believe it is. It’s not just “in his nature.” That’s a lame ass excuse men use to justify treating women like crap. You don’t deserve that, and if he thinks you do, then obviously he doesn’t deserve you.
  7. There was nothing you could have done to change his mind. If he’s determined to cheat, then he will, regardless of anything you do to try to keep him faithful. You can obsess over all of the if, ands or buts of what you could have done differently, but in the end, there’s nothing you can do to keep a man from cheating.
  8. You’re not a crappy girlfriend. If the relationship wasn’t going the way he wanted, then he should have said something. You’re the victim here, not him. He betrayed you, so stop thinking that his promiscuity reflects poorly on you. He’s the cheater. He’s the dirt bag here. His actions say everything about who he is, but they don’t define you.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.