Reminder: You Don’t Need Anyone to Complete You

When someone refers to their significant other as their “other half”, it implies that they’re incomplete, and that they’ll never be a full person all on their own. Sure, your boyfriend might complete your sentences sometimes and complement your personality in ways that make it seem like you wouldn’t be as well-rounded without him, but that’s just means you’re compatible, not less of a person on your own. A truly happy couple consists of two people who would truly be perfectly fine on their own, but choose to be together anyway because they can’t imagine not having that person to share their lives with. Here’s what you need to remind yourself of, whether you’re single or in a committed relationship.

  1. Being self-sufficient is important. You had to grow up and leave your parents’ house eventually, right? You did it, so why would you want to go right back to relying on someone else to take care of you? You’re perfectly capable of doing it yourself, so quit selling yourself short.
  2. You should want to be with someone, not need to be with them. When you think you need someone, you end up making sacrifices, and letting them walk all over you because you think that’s the price you have to pay to have them in your life. But you don’t need anyone. You’re just fine on your own.
  3. No one else can make you happy. You’ve heard that you have to be happy on your own before you can be truly happy in a relationship, and it’s true. If you’re miserable alone, a boyfriend will just put a band-aid on the problem, not solve it.
  4. There are certain things no one else can do for you. While companionship and support certainly help, there are some things that no one else can do for you. If you want a better job, you have to go out and find one. If you aren’t happy, you have to figure out a way to change that. Relying on someone else will only make things harder if one day they aren’t around anymore.
  5. No one person will ever be a perfect match. Your “other half” implies that people are like puzzle pieces, and there’s only one other person out there who can complete you. But the reality is that you can get what you need from a variety of different people, and expecting one person to fulfill every need is totally unrealistic.
  6. Nothing is guaranteed. Just because you seem like a perfect match at first doesn’t mean it will always be that way. People change. If you grow apart, you need to be able to adjust and figure out a way to move on with or without them.
  7. No one else should get credit for your successes. Implying you weren’t good enough when you were alone only takes away from everything you ever accomplished on your own. If you work for it, you can and will get where you want to be, so stop attributing your successes to the fact that you have a solid relationship to fall back on.
  8. Others should accept you how you are. It’s not like anyone in your life is thinking, “Damn, she’s really only half a person when she’s single. I hope she finds someone soon.” They accept you for who you are, faults and all. So why don’t you do the same?
  9. You shouldn’t feel desperate to find someone. If you’re frantically spending energy searching for that other half, you’ll inevitably waste quite a bit of time on guys who aren’t worth it. If you’re happy on your own, your standards will be higher, and you won’t settle for less than you deserve.
  10. No one wants to be with an incomplete person. Do you think guys are out there searching for a woman to complete them? Hell no. Everyone wants to be with someone who can add to their lives, teach them things, and be a positive presence. If you can’t be those things for someone else, how can you expect someone to be those things for you?
  11. You should be focusing on what you have, not what you don’t. Constantly obsessing over the “void” in your life is cynical and ungrateful. Being in a relationship isn’t everything, and if you don’t feel like you have enough going on when you’re single, find some hobbies to fill your time, not a person.
  12. You’ll get stuck in a rut of what you think is “meant to be”. If you’re picturing a guy as this perfect compliment to you that will make everything easier, you’re probably going to be disappointed. Relationships are hard work, and rarely will you find someone that will fit into your life seamlessly.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to, contributes regularly to, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.