Reminder: “Talking” Isn’t A Dating Stage — You’re Either Going Out Or You’re Not

It’s easy to think that when you’re chatting to a guy a lot, things are progressing towards a real, solid relationship. You might even tell your friends that you’re actually “talking” at the moment and things are going well. Sorry, but all that chatter can lead nowhere (and often does). Here are 12 things to remember about why “talking” isn’t an official dating stage.

  1. Actions always speak louder than words. He can say whatever he wants but it’s time for him to put his money where his mouth is. Just because a guy’s telling you how gorgeous and interesting you are, or even how much he can’t wait to see you, it doesn’t mean anything until he’s actually driving across town to see you.
  2. Texting is free of obligation. You’re chatting to the guy over a screen. This fact alone can make him feel less accountable than if he was standing right in front of you. Don’t be fooled into thinking that he’s a man of his word just yet – he can tell you anything with confidence via social media or text. It doesn’t have to mean that he’s bound by it!
  3. Think of how often it leads to nothing. Just because you might say that you’re in the talking phase with a guy, it doesn’t mean that it’s a stepping stone towards dating him. I mean, just think back to how many times in the past you were talking to a guy and it led nowhere. Unless you have real, concrete plans on getting together in person, it’s a no-go.
  4. Talking can actually be a step backward. All that talk and no date plans? Hmm, in times like these, you might feel like “talking” so much is actually making you move backward instead of progressing towards a sparkly new relationship. You’re so comfortable with talking that you don’t need to move forward.
  5. There’s no label on it. He’s talking to you daily, but he could very well be talking to loads of other women and you’d never know about it. It’s a bit naive to think that he’s only chatting and flirting with you. In fact, he might even be stalling the talking phase so that he can continue chasing other women at the same time.
  6. Too much talk can ruin things. It’s easy to believe that since you and the guy are talking so much, and about really personal things, you’re on your way to something. But, instead of jumping right into a heavy talking session, just remember that giving too much away can actually kill the spark instead of turn it into a raging fire. Let’s stop thinking that “talking” means we’re becoming something real. We’re actually killing the momentum!
  7. It’s an excuse to be casual. For some people, saying that they’re in the “talking” phase with someone gives them an excuse to keep things really casual. Hey, nothing’s more casual than sending a few texts to someone and gauging their interest without having to make any real effort. It sucks.
  8. It’s confusing. Much like “hanging out,” “talking” can make things a little too vague (which is convenient for all the jerks out there who just want to waste your time). You don’t really know how much he’s interested in you, and if he’s interested enough to actually date you. Here’s the thing: if you’ve been chatting for a while now and he’s still just “talking,” the guy’s not going to take those conversations anywhere special.
  9. It can really waste your time. I’m not talking about investing a few days or hours into this guy before you realize you aren’t a good match. I’m talking about the talking sessions going on and on for months. You not only waste your time, but your energy and hope.
  10. It can fool you. By thinking that your “talking” is going somewhere, you can really start to blind yourself to the truth at hand. It gives you false hope into thinking this guy’s something special and so you should continue investing time into him. It’s risky, and therefore better to keep cool about the talking phase. It might even be a good idea to set yourself a limit when it comes to how long the talking should go on before things either move forward or fall away.
  11. It leaves you hanging. One of the biggest reasons why “talking” isn’t a dating stage is because it really is dating purgatory. You and the guy are sussing each other out before deciding if you should take things forward or not. But, some guys aren’t really thinking in those terms. They’re thinking, “Cool, this is a bit of fun banter on boring Saturday nights.”
  12. You don’t always know what’s going on. In theory, “talking” would be a legit dating phase if both parties were open and honest about their intentions. In other words, if we lived in a fairytale world. In real life, things don’t always go that way. “Talking” without knowing what’s going on can leave you in a really confusing situation, especially if he’s the type to “talk” once in a while or give you mixed messages. Then what? The best way to deal is to treat “talking” as you would dating. The second you sniff out a red flag, do not proceed, do not date, delete his digits, and move on!





Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.