Reminder: Women Are Not Rehabilitation Centers For Emotionally Stunted Men

Reminder: Women Are Not Rehabilitation Centers For Emotionally Stunted Men

I’ve spent most of my life working on bettering myself. I’ve put serious effort into becoming more mature, thoughtful, intelligent, inquisitive, considerate, and all the other qualities I find important in life. Because of that, I’m looking for a partner who’s on the same page. So why is it that so many single guys — and even other women! — seem to think I’ve been put on the earth specifically to rehab dudes who don’t have their acts together? I’m getting pretty sick of it!

  1. Their own family members are the worst for this. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been dating a totally lacklustre or even downright toxic guy and their sister or mom has basically implored me to stay with him so that I could whip him into shape. “I haven’t seen him smile like this in years!” their moms would say, or, “You’re so good for him!” When I’d get fed up, they’d try to convince me that I should stick around because “he’s a good guy deep down” and that I was making him a better person. Sorry, not my job and not a job I’m interested in holding.
  2. Some guys have zero shame about having nothing to offer. I’m not interested in money or looks. I don’t care what you can buy me, how big your d–k is, or how hot everyone else thinks you are. I’m looking for an equal partner who wants to forge a life together. I really have no time for guys who are desperate to find a girlfriend who’s willing to put up with their bad behavior for literally nothing in return. They expect you to deal with their lack of consideration, disrespect, condescension, infidelity, and nonexistent communication skills just to name a few. Oh, and plenty of them would love if you acted as their replacement mom too. Who the hell would sign up for this?
  3. I’m not a therapist and I’m not interested in being one. While a major part of healthy partnerships is emotional support and I’m happy to provide it, I’m not interested in unpacking the source of a guy’s issues and working as his psychotherapist to give him the blueprint to solving them. That’s work he needs to do on his own with a qualified professional. If you have serious trust issues, anger issues, jealousy issues, or anything else that causes drama and toxicity in a relationship, miss me with the date invitations and book yourself into therapy.
  4. I’m sick of rehabilitating guys for some other woman. I’ve dated men with whom I’ve exercised the utmost amount of patience. I worked through their issues with them, taught them valuable new skills about how to be decent partners, and generally turned them into the ideal partners… for someone else. Once they siphoned all they could from me, they were off to use those skills on some other woman and I was left with nothing. I learned my lesson and I don’t plan on repeating it.
  5. I don’t expect guys to be perfect because I know no one is. It’s not like I require guys to come to me baggage-free and with every relationship skill down pat. We’re all works in progress and as long as we’re actually, you know, working on making that progress, it’s all good. However, coming into my life with basically nothing to offer and claiming that you’re “still learning” how to be in a relationship isn’t cool. That’s something you learn before you get into the dating scene, not after you meet someone. I’m not here to be experimented on, buddy.
  6. I don’t want to waste my time. Generally speaking, whenever I’ve dated an emotionally stunted man in the past, it was a lost cause. Either they weren’t interested in changing their ways because they were so used to women who picked up their slack so they never had any reason to change. The ones who did were over me by the time they got themselves together. Moving forward, I’ll only be dating guys on my level from the beginning.
Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love.