Last year, I had my first full-on, heart-pounding pregnancy scare, and while I truly love my boyfriend and can see a future with him, I didn’t want him around when I found out whether or not I was expecting. Here’s why I chose to take a home pregnancy test and then scheduled a subsequent doctor appointment all without involving him.
- It takes two to tango but only one can get knocked up. I don’t like when couples say “we’re pregnant” when it simply doesn’t apply to both people. Yes, you’re both expecting a child, but only one person is growing and carrying that child. I knew that if I was pregnant, this would be a situation that would only affect my body, not his.
- We’d never discussed what would happen if I ever got pregnant. At the time of my scare, my boyfriend and I had been together for less than a year. Although we were definitely in love and had started talking about the future, we still had not sat down and seriously talked about what we would do in the event of an unplanned pregnancy. The last thing I wanted was to start that conversation with, “So I think I might be pregnant. Thoughts?”
- I prefer going to the doctor alone. It’s not just the gyno, it’s all doctors. Being someone who suffers with anxiety, I find that I’m just calmer and more clearheaded when I handle medical stuff on my own. I made an appointment with my doctor when two at-home pregnancy tests turned out inconclusive (it happens). The mere thought of my boyfriend coming with me made me start hyperventilating, but I knew he’d want to come along if I told him about it.
- I didn’t want to base my decision on what he wanted. If I was pregnant, I honestly didn’t know what I would do. What I did know, however, was that I didn’t want to make that choice based on what my boyfriend wanted and disregard my own feelings. I wanted to make sure that if I decided to keep it, it would be because I wanted it. After all, I definitely didn’t want to end up resenting my partner—or worse, my own kid.
- I’m the more financially stable one. The plain and simple truth is that I’m significantly more financially sound than my boyfriend is. I work a lot, I save a lot, and I happen to be more focused on these things than he is. Regardless of what the decision regarding my potential pregnancy would’ve been, it would just be by default that I’d be the one literally paying for the consequences.
- If I decided on abortion, I wasn’t sure I’d want to tell him. I know a few people who’ve gotten abortions and kept it a secret from their significant others. It may seem terribly devious on the surface, but I have to say that I totally get it. Abortion can be such a personal, emotional experience, and it’s not something that many people—especially those who can’t get pregnant—can easily wrap their heads around. If I ever have one, I may very well want to keep it quiet in order to prevent further emotional turmoil.
- I trust myself in times of crisis. I’ve gotten myself through a lot of crap in life, most of it before I ever met my boyfriend, much less began dating him. We definitely support each other, but I think all people ultimately need to be able to depend on themselves. I knew that my pregnancy scare was something that I would be able to get myself through, regardless of what direction it took.
- I didn’t want to stress him out. When it came down to it, I really just didn’t want to put my boyfriend through unnecessary stress if it turned out I wasn’t pregnant. Besides, I knew no matter what that it was something we could always discuss later (and, for the record, we have).
- I also didn’t want to stress myself out more. Finding out whether or not you’re pregnant is nerve-racking enough on your own without having someone else’s stress levels to worry about. I knew that if my boyfriend was there with me, my concern for him and his feelings would just intensify an already intense situation.
- I’ve always valued my independence, both in and outside of relationships. I felt that once I told him, it would become something we’d both have to deal with instead of just me. I love sharing things with him, but I still appreciate my autonomy. It’s my body, my choice, and it’s also my decision whether or not I tell anyone I might be pregnant in the first place.
