Ridiculous Excuses Guys Make For Avoiding Commitment

Ridiculous Excuses Guys Make For Avoiding Commitment ©iStock/gilaxia

“I’m not ready to get married right now.” For such a simple phrase, it’s powerful enough to break your heart and make you feel like your relationship is crashing down around you. He’s not ready for marriage now, so it’s over, right? Not always. Just because he’s not ready the moment you are doesn’t mean he’ll never commit, sure, but that doesn’t mean you have to wait around for him to get his act together. Here are 12 ridiculous excuses guys give for not wanting to lock things down right now:

  1. He’s still building a career. Guys are raised to think of themselves as the breadwinners. Yes, I know it’s 2015 and women are perfectly capable of earning money. Still,  guys don’t want to jump into a serious relationship unless they have a stable job that can handle all the bills. This is a good thing, in theory, but when will his career be in the right place, and why can’t he be committed to you while he gets there?
  2. He wants to be financially stable. Do you realize how much it costs to get married, buy a place to live, and possibly start a family? It’s not cheap. If you both have student loans or other major bills, it might pay to wait. He knows that financial issues can break up the strongest couples, but it can also be a cop out. If you wait until he’s making $100k a year, he might never commit.
  3. He’s afraid you’ll change him too much. You have your life and he has his. He’s afraid a serious committed relationship is the beginning of the end. It means less time with his friends, and doing more of what you want. It’s a valid fear, but only if you’re in a relationship that’s suffocating and doesn’t respect your individuality, in which case you probably shouldn’t be together at all.
  4. It’s still too early in the relationship. You might know you want to marry him two months in, but guys are slower on the uptake. You might know a few months in that this is the guy you want to spend forever with, but don’t be surprised if it takes him a bit longer. That being said, if you’ve been together for three years and it’s still “too early,” you might want to reevaluate.
  5. He wants to take it slow. Maybe he really just wants to take some time to build a strong relationship without rushing into making it serious. That’s admirable — it pays to be sensible when it comes to love. However, there’s a difference between pacing things properly and becoming stagnant. Don’t let him force you into the latter.
  6. He’s got issues to overcome first. Do you know everything about his past? Maybe he was engaged before and his ex broke his heart. What if his parents went through a horrible divorce? Even though he might want to marry you, he’s got some issues to overcome first, and that’s fine. However, relationships are about working together to overcome these issues, which in turn helps you grow closer. He should be willing to take a leap of faith eventually.
  7. He knows he’s just not ready yet. He might love you with all his heart, but he also knows he’s not responsible enough for a serious commitment. He still just wants to hang out with his friends, not worry about having money for real food in the house, and be able to work simple part-time jobs for now. Basically, he needs to grow up. Ultimatums in relationships are never a good thing, but if he refuses to act like a grown ass man, you might want to take your leave.
  8. He’s not sure you’re both on the same page. Have you talked about marriage? Do you both want kids? Where will you live? How will you make time for friends and family? You might be focused on a ring, but he wants to know the answers to bigger questions. You’re probably willing to discuss them (or have tried in the past, only to be faced with disinterest on his part), so if that’s still not good enough for him, it’s likely BS.
  9. His other friends are still single. Most guys don’t want to be the first of their friends to get married. It’s like telling all his guy friends that he’s officially whipped. It’s an ego thing. If all his friends are single, this could be the issue, and it’s a stupid one. No grown ass man cares that much about what his friends think and lets that rule his own life decisions.
  10. He doesn’t want to move. If you have a long distance relationship or you’ve made it clear you want to live somewhere else, he could be putting off marriage because he doesn’t want to move. Maybe he likes his apartment or the city he’s in, which is fair enough. Relationships are about compromise, so if this is his excuse, he either doesn’t want to meet you halfway or is just giving excuses for not wanting to lock things down.
  11. He doesn’t like your family. Does your dad refuse to call your boyfriend by his name? Does he always have plans when you want to have dinner with your family? If there are issues between him and your family, he’s probably not ready to commit any further just yet. After all, he’s not just marrying you, he’s marrying them, too. But either he’s going to act like an adult and get over his issues with your family or he’s not. If it’s the latter, why are you still wasting your time together?
  12. His family hates you. On the other hand, what if his family hates you? He’s trying to find a way to make peace between you and his family. It’s not exactly going to be fun if every time his mom comes around, she’s whispering to her husband about what a bitch you are. He wants you both to be happy and if his family isn’t happy, nobody’s happy. There’s no reason you wouldn’t totally charm them, but if it’s that big of an issue that it can’t be overcome, it’s time to say goodbye.
Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.