Romance Is Dead—Modern Dating Killed It

I’m losing all faith in dating. If I had known it would be like this, I would’ve tried harder to snap up the right man when I was younger! Being single in my 30s in the world we live in today is downright discouraging.

  1. No one connects in person anymore. People just walk past each other in their little bubbles, afraid to reach out and connect. We hardly even smile at each other on the street anymore, let alone engage in real conversation. I know it’s not normal but I’m so used to it that I don’t reach out either. I’ve gotten weirdly shy and socially awkward because I don’t know how to behave.
  2. People are afraid to approach each other. I think that men are scared of coming across creepy if they try and talk to a girl—perhaps because a lot of girls assume all guys ARE creepy. I, on the other hand, haven’t had good luck when I approach men. Either they aren’t interested or it sets the expectation from then on that I’ll do all the work. It’s been quite a problem so I stopped. No one approaches me either, so I’m just… not dating.
  3. Dating apps have made everything awful. It’s tough to meet anyone in the real world when everyone’s faces are buried in their phones as they swipe on a bunch of strangers. Oh, the irony! I’ve had no success with dating apps and they make me miserable. It’s extra difficult to make a real connection with a guy now—he always has other options literally at his fingertips. Everyone is even more commitment-phobic.
  4. Everyone is always looking for something better. It’s sad but true. In a world where we’re all more connected across distance by technology but yet less connected than ever to those right around us, the grass always seems greener. It’s hard to date someone when you feel that person looking over your shoulder to see who else is around. Never being satisfied is a recipe for disaster and regret! I’m so tired of it.
  5. There’s a massive breakdown in communication skills. People can hardly figure out how to talk online, let alone in person to an actual human being. It’s gross. Everyone has become incredibly lazy when it comes to respectful, clear and honest communication. We need it now more than ever but it’s nowhere to be found. I can’t date anyone if I can’t get that person to talk to me. It’s not even fun to date.
  6. People focus on themselves more than ever. I’m not saying that self-love and self-care are bad. I’m saying that selfishness and narcissism are. It’s one thing to develop a career and focus on goals, but that can be done while dating if you’re in a healthy and balanced relationship. It’s this view that you can only have love or success that’s killing me. It’s entirely untrue. People haven gotten lazy about making any effort, so they use their careers as an excuse.
  7. It takes longer to build a stable life. There’s a lot of uncertainty these days and it can be hard to become financially stable. It definitely seems to take longer for most of us. What I don’t get is this idea that there has to be that career security before love can enter the picture. That’s certainly not romantic at all. I don’t think there’s any such thing as “bad timing” if two people really want to be together. It’s just another lame excuse.
  8. No one meets organically anymore. I feel like it all used to be simple. You’d meet someone in your neighborhood or someone who participated in similar activities as you. Now I have to search to find anyone who’s even compatible because everyone I actually meet is taken, gay, or won’t talk to me. How ironic is it that I have to go online to find guys who live near me and like what I like? It takes all the romance out of everything.
  9. Everything is too complicated. We’ve made it that way. There can’t be romance when there’s so much stress and worry and overthinking involved, and it seems like that’s always the case. It’s never just about caring about each other, wanting to be with each other, and making it work. There’s always an emotional barrier or an excuse or a lack of commitment. I’m wary of dating in this world.
  10. People play too many games. I like my life straightforward, simple, and direct. I don’t have time for lies, issues, and complications. I don’t waste my time. Unfortunately, the dating world feels like a big dumb game and I’m not down with it. I want someone who really wants me back, plain and simple. Why is that so ridiculously hard to find? This environment of blurred lines and vague definitions has killed romance.
  11. No one even tries all that hard. It’s so true. Dating, relationships, and love require time and effort. They require care, nurturing, and a deep desire to stay in it. All I see now is laziness and a lack of caring about anything at all. When love gets too inconvenient or tough, people just cut and run. They’d rather be alone or find someone new than really commit to what they have. It’s depressing.
  12. It’s become all about convenience rather than romance. Screw whether two people are right for each other. Screw whether those people share hopes, dreams, ideas, and goals. It’s more about how close they live to each other, if their schedules fit, and if they can be in each other’s lives without causing too much disruption or change. That’s not romantic! It’s incredibly lame. Love isn’t always easy, but it should be worth it.
  13. It all feels so hopeless that it gets discouraging. I hardly even want to bother anymore. Why go on another date with a guy I met online only to discover we have no chemistry? Why develop feelings for another man who doesn’t have the emotional or mental maturity to be with me? I give up, seriously. I don’t have the energy for this dating world. If you want to know why so many of us wonderfully strong and amazing women are single, this is why.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at