We’re all a little bit gross and occasionally inconsiderate. It’s part of being human! But for some reason, we love to pretend these little lapses don’t exist. The next time you catch yourself doing one of these, just remember – you’re not alone.
1. Leaving the Toilet Seat Up (Or Down!)
It’s the great domestic debate. No matter which side you’re on, we’ve all experienced that moment of “surprise” when sitting down… and you definitely didn’t put it in that position. The worst is when you cause your own midnight mishap because you were too sleepy to notice.
2. “Forgetting” to Replace the Empty Toilet Roll
Who among us hasn’t performed the stealthy ninja roll switch, silently praying the next bathroom visitor isn’t paying attention? Or worse, desperately balanced that tiny cardboard tube on top of the empty holder, hoping it somehow stretches into a usable roll? Oops!
3. Nose-Picking
It happens. We pretend to scratch, to adjust our glasses, anything but admit we just went on a fingertip excavation mission. Sometimes, a particularly stubborn booger requires a full two-tissue tactical extraction. It’s nasty (and rude to do in public), but we’ve all done it.
4. Pretending Not to See Someone to Avoid a Conversation
Grocery stores are the worst. You spot a vague acquaintance and suddenly become fascinated by the nutritional labels of canned beans. If a shopping cart is handy, sometimes you even weave through the aisles playing an elaborate escape route game.
5. Talking with a Full Mouth
This is just wrong, especially when it’s something with a potentially unappealing texture. Yet, we all monologue away while our food does a little dance between our teeth. You try to be subtle, but a rogue chunk of spinach escapes anyway, causing a frantic napkin scramble.
6. Lying About Having Seen the Latest Movie/Read the Popular Book
You nod along enthusiastically, desperately hoping they don’t ask for specifics. Fake it ’til you Netflix it, right? Sometimes you even throw in vague spoilers you gleaned from social media to sound extra convincing. You would rather not admit that you’re not up on the latest entertainment trend, so you’d rather lie about it.
7. “Reply all” mishaps
How about that sinking feeling when you realize your snarky remark about a coworker was accidentally broadcast to the entire department… including the coworker? Cue the frantic “Please disregard my previous email!” follow-up, which only draws more attention to the blunder.
8. Performing the Subtle Sniff Test
Did I shower this morning? Is this shirt spotless? A sneaky armpit check is sometimes necessary, especially on hectic days. Ideally, it’s done discreetly, but sometimes you get caught with your nose suspiciously buried in your armpit.
9. Using Someone Else’s Toothbrush (In a Pinch)
Desperate times call for desperate measures. You always SWEAR you’ll replace it, but then conveniently forget. Maybe if you leave yours out next time, they’ll return the favor and the toothbrush cycle will remain undisturbed. You know it’s rude and pretty gross, but you’re conscious of your dental hygiene!
10. Ignoring Texts and Then Pretending You Never Saw Them
There’s that message you just don’t want to deal with. Later, you’ll feign confusion, like, “Huh, I guess it never sent!” Bonus points if you can blame a spotty signal or “weird glitch” for the disappearing text.
11. Re-Gifting
That hideous vase from Aunt Martha? It’s finding a new home. Just pray the gift doesn’t somehow circulate back to its original owner. The guilt fades a little each time the unwanted item changes hands.
12. Taking Way Too Long in the Bathroom
Everyone else is impatiently waiting while you transform into a spa goddess in there. Maybe blame your morning coffee for the unexpected length of time? The muffled sound of scrolling through social media definitely doesn’t help your case. Sure, some of us need longer than others to do our business, but if you’re just hanging out, you’re being rude (and you’re going to get hemorrhoids).
13. Faking Interest in Boring Conversations
They’re droning on about their stamp collection, and your eyes are slowly glazing over. But you’re nodding, throwing in an occasional “Uh-huh” — anything to seem engaged. Sometimes you invent a fake emergency text as a last-ditch effort to escape the conversational black hole.
14. Popping Zits
It’s gross, but oh so satisfying. The struggle to resist squeezing that angry red bump is REAL, especially when you think no one is watching. Of course, the second you give in, someone walks in on the crime scene – complete with inflamed aftermath.
15. Leaving A Passive-Aggressive Note
The dirty dishes in the sink have pushed you over the edge. Instead of confrontation, you pen a subtly scathing note and leave it conspicuously placed. Maybe you add a passive-aggressive smiley face, just for good measure.
16. Judging People Silently
Their outfit is questionable, they’re talking too loudly on the phone, their kid is throwing a tantrum… we can’t help but form little opinions, even if we keep them to ourselves. Sometimes the inner monologue gets so loud, you accidentally make eye contact and have to stifle a judgmental smirk.
Enjoy this piece? Give it a like and follow Bolde on MSN for more!
