I liked him so much, I friend zoned myself. What the hell? Instead of treating him like a potential boyfriend, I started acting like his friend and it totally ruined any chance we had of having a great romance. Here’s what I did wrong.
I confided in him. We met at work and started chatting daily. I found him attractive and enjoyed spending time with him. We had funny, serious and really deep conversations, and soon I was confiding in him about my problems, friends, and life. He did the same. It felt like we were getting really close. I just didn’t realize it was to a friendship instead of a relationship.
We gossiped together. We’d send each other texts and emails, gossiping about our boss and other people. It felt like a fun activity to do to pass the long days, but it was really what I would’ve done with friends. Our interactions were filled with gossip, which wasn’t exactly a good foundation for a relationship.
I laughed at myself a lot. I was quick to use humor to put myself down in a totally funny way… only it wasn’t so funny. When I was putting myself down, it was like I was fishing for his compliments. I came across as insecure.
I supported him. I supported him like he was my boyfriend or husband even though we were just friends. It was a little inappropriate. I was always available to help him when he needed something, like a pep talk to chase down his dreams. I was basically giving him girlfriend benefits when we were literally just friends and it was too much.
I became his mother. After being super supportive of this guy, I ended up becoming like his mother! Gross! I was so nurturing, checking how his doctor’s appointment went or how he was feeling after a particularly stressful day at the office. It was so bad. There was no way that we could end up in a relationship. How could he see me as a potential girlfriend after that?
I got too comfy. I was so comfortable around him and it wasn’t a good thing. I wouldn’t put much effort into my appearance and I didn’t care if he saw all my flaws. In fact, I was quick to present them to him and we could have a laugh about them. We sometimes acted like siblings, which is guaranteed to throw water on any spark that was there. The mystery was dead.
I waxed lyrical about him. I couldn’t deny that I still had feelings for this guy and I was always trying to flirt with him. The only way I knew how was to tell him how much I valued having him in my life. Soon, the guy was overdosing on my compliments. It was just too much and made me seem pathetic.
I wasn’t clear about what I wanted. I was acting like his mother and his friend simultaneously while secretly hoping to be his girlfriend. Talk about mixed messages! My actions and words weren’t clear. We just floated into a friendship from which there was no getting out.
I was always there. When the guy texted me, I responded in a few minutes flat every single time! While I thought this showed how much I valued him, I think it actually made him see me as someone he could depend on and he got used to this. I was the doting best friend who never let him down. Inside, I was a love martyr never to be the girlfriend. Ugh.
I carried the load. He talked to me about his crazy problems and literally moaned about his issues until my brain wanted to explode. Still, I listened and made soothing sounds and carried his drama until it drained me and I realized that he was using me as a therapist. I hoped this would all pay off and he’d want to date me because I cared about him so much. Then one day he put the nail in the coffin by saying, “I’m so lucky to have a best friend like you.” Great.
I was clingy. I hate admitting it but I have to: I was super clingy, like fluff on his suede jacket. I was always in his space when we were together, wanting him to see me in a girlfriend light. Meanwhile, I never gave him a chance to miss me. I basically sealed my own fate on this one.
Then the comfort became creepy. Then one day he farted in front of me and thought it was the funniest thing. I knew that this wasn’t a display of how close we were—this was a sign that the guy didn’t care about making a good impression around me. He’d rather save that for women he actually wanted to date.
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