How You Sabotage Your Own Healing Post-Breakup

How You Sabotage Your Own Healing Post-Breakup ©iStock/savageultralight

Everyone goes through breakups — it’s a common human experience. One of the hardest things to do after a breakup is let go of your ex, especially if you ended it amicably. You know have to move forward, but it’s so difficult, especially since you’re probably sabotaging your own healing in more ways than one.

  1. You don’t taking care of your basic well-being. It’s hard to do so when your heart is broken. Most of the time you don’t feel like eating, you can’t sleep, you’re crying pretty much everywhere. How could you possibly make yourself live a normal life during all that? It’s the worst, but you have to try. Get some fresh air. Surround yourself with loved ones. Take care of your health — eat even when you don’t feel like it, get exercise however you can, indulge in relaxing activities. It’ll help.
  2. You focus on how he’s feeling instead of how you are. You’re so used to making the relationship a priority that it’s extremely hard to stop now. You still think about him every waking moment. You wonder what he’s doing without you, how he’s feeling, if he’s as heartbroken as you are. This won’t just magically go away, but it’s useless. Now is the time to focus on you and everything that you need during this tough transition.
  3. You cling to what you can’t control. What’s done is done. It sucks, but you can’t change the past. You may have regrets or wish that everything had turned out differently. Not trying to be harsh…but it didn’t. That’s life. Sometimes it hits you in the gut so hard you think you might die, but you don’t. You can’t change the way he is, the way you are, what’s already happened. Acceptance is a bitch.
  4. You live in the past. The present is too heartbreaking to bear, so you relive moment after moment of your time with your ex. The good, the bad, and the ugly — they all seem so special and beautiful now. This can also be called denial, and honestly, it’s OK. Give yourself a break. Sometimes you just have to protect yourself. When you’re gasping with sadness every second of every day, you have to take some measure to alleviate it. Just don’t stay in the past too long, sweetie. You have a beautiful, bright future waiting for you.
  5. You keep in contact with him. Don’t hate yourself for this — just know that you’re making the entire separation process that much worse for the both of you. It feels like there could be nothing sadder than losing him from your life completely, but you’re only prolonging your own pain and heartache. Maybe, just maybe, you can be friends someday. The tragic truth of it is that you need a lengthy period of non-communication first, no matter what.
  6. You stalk him on social media. Today’s world makes this temptation nearly impossible to avoid. You have all this information at your fingertips. What are you supposed to do, ignore it? You’re not superhuman. Do yourself a huge favor. As weird as it is, remove him from all your social media outlets. If you have to unfriend him or even ask him to block you as a favor, do it. It sounds odd, but it’s the most helpful way to disconnect.
  7. You keep reminders of him around. It sucks so much, but you have to put away the pictures, the presents, even the stuffed animal he gave you to sleep with when he couldn’t be there. If you can’t stand to throw it in the garbage, don’t. You have enough hardship to deal with at the moment. Pack it all away somewhere safe where you won’t see it or think about it. Out of sight, out of mind.
  8. You refuse to let him go. Breakups are the worst, and it’s easy to forgot how horrible they are when you’re happy in a relationship. You’re going to run the gamut of emotions. Often, it’ll feel like you’ll never be able to love someone ever again. You’ll be petrified that you lost the one person who was right for you. You’ll cling, you’ll beg, you’ll plead, you’ll argue with yourself. You’ll do all the shameful embarrassing things you swore you would never do. That’s what love does to us. It brings us to our knees. In these moments of weakness, remember one thing: your love for yourself must be stronger than your love of anyone or anything else. That’s the only way to survive the pain. Love yourself enough to release him from your life.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at