I Said I Wanted To Take It Slow And He Disappeared

It began like any relationship: I met a guy, we went on a few dates, then the focus of our conversation shifted to our future. I immediately let him know that although I was really into him, I didn’t want to rush into anything because I prefer to take things slow. He said he agreed but then almost immediately, he seemed to lose interest and soon stopped pursuing me altogether. Uh, what?

  1. He Disappeared without a word. Wait, did I really just get ghosted? I’m confused. You’d think I told the guy to get lost and never speak to me again. I understand that hearing the other person wants to slow things down can seem harsh when you’re just beginning a relationship, but I was being honest, not breaking up.
  2. It Wasn’t An Invitation To The Friend Zone. I want to take it slow because I actually care and rushed feelings can bring about forced emotions that aren’t natural. It’s possible that he felt mislead by me, or maybe he thought I was giving him a free pass to the friend zone, but that wasn’t my intention at all.
  3. I May Not Be Ready For Titles Right Now But That Doesn’t Mean I Didn’t Want Him. I wanted to take it slow because I wasn’t ready to slap a title on our budding romance, but that doesn’t mean that I was all of a sudden not interested at all. I still wanted to continue dating and learning about each other. I still wanted him, and I still wanted him to pursue me. If I didn’t, I would have ended it altogether.
  4. The Grass Isn’t Greener on the other side. If he was upset because he was ready to run full force into a relationship and that’s not my style, then he needed a serious reality check. The grass isn’t greener on the other side of this situation. I’m not the only girl who wants to take her time when it comes to dating. Instead of giving up right away, guys need to give girls like me time and in return, we’ll give them our all.
  5. Maybe He Was Waiting For A Reason To Move On. If I’m being honest, I can’t help but think that if he was ready to bolt right after I suggested taking things down a notch, he was probably sitting around waiting for a reason to back out for a while. I feel like this talk just gave him the green light to go.
  6. What’s The Rush? I honestly despise feeling pressured and whenever I feel that way, my first instinct is to push away or slow it down. Slowing it down helps me to focus on the relationship for what it is and what we both want without rushing in head-first. Most of the time when you’re pedal to the metal into a new relationship, you end up falling out of it just as rapidly and that’s not what I want. If we were going to last, what did it matter if we took our time?
  7. He Obviously Wasn’t That Interested Anyway. Look, if a guy is going to be all about me to the point where he can’t take a deep breath and slow down for a bit despite my request to do exactly that, then I doubt that he was ever that into me in the first place. If you’re really interested in someone, you’re not going to let something so petty stop you dead in your tracks on the path of pursuit. He basically showed his true colors and I’m glad I found out when I did.
  8. It Obviously Wasn’t Meant To Be. This is my go-to phrase when things don’t work out and I think it applies here more than ever. If a guy is going to stop pursuing me after I express the need to slow down for a bit, then I really don’t believe that we would have lasted in the long run, anyway. This isn’t an easy mindset to have when you’re hurting, but when you have hope for better things, it becomes easier over time to move on.
  9. All I Got Was An Excuse (From Someone Else). My (not so) favorite excuse of all time came after I shared that I have dreams of relocating out of state someday. I know that can be a bit scary in the wake of a new relationship, so I was hoping to take it slow and figure it out as we go. Instead of talking about it, it was made into an excuse that I wasn’t even initially aware of. To make matters worse, instead of telling me straight up, I found out through mutual friends that he was no longer interested in pursuing me because I might eventually move. He could have saved me the WTF moment, but peace out, bro.
  10. They Always Come Back—Usually When I’ve Moved On. Whenever a guy stops pursuing me for this reason, my first reaction is always WTF, but after a few days of processing it, I move on. Half the time, they realize they’ve made a mistake and they try creeping back after a while. Sometimes I’ll give it another go, but most times I’m just over it by then, and guess what? It feels so much better at that point.
Mix 1 part momma + 1 part writer + 1 part hairstylist. Add the love of laughter, adventure, and caffeine. Blend well with a passion for country music and hockey. Sprinkle with sass, and that's me.