He Said He Wasn’t “Ready” For A Commitment—And, Like An Idiot, I Waited For Him

“Just wait for me,” he said. “If you just give me some time, I can be the man you deserve and want me to be.” Generally, when a guy asks you to “wait for him,” he’s usually too afraid to say that he wants to end things with you. I wish I’d understood earlier what a red flag it was back then—I could have saved myself a lot of time, energy, and heartache.

I WASTED MY TIME. While waiting around for him, I missed out on all of the fun things I should’ve been doing instead of worrying about him. Basically, I was letting my life pass me by. I should’ve been traveling, going out with friends, starting my own business or beginning a new career path. Time waits for no one and I came to the realization that if I continued to wait for him to get his life together, I’d look back at the time I wasted and regret it.

I WASTED MY MONEY. Why would I want to waste my hard-earned money on a guy who expects you to hang around until he can be bothered to be in a real relationship with me, you may ask? It was almost as if I was agreeing to the little arrangement and I was allowing him to use me. Why couldn’t he buy his own pair of shoes without me paying for them? Why was I treating him to lunch when we weren’t really in a relationship anyway? Lesson learned—keep my money to myself and let him figure it out on his own.

I WASTED MY EFFORT. There’s nothing that grinds my gears more than when I put a great deal of effort into something, only to not end up achieving the results I’d anticipated. The same thing applies to this guy that I was waiting on. I was putting wasted effort into a person who wasn’t giving me anywhere close to the same in return. Once again, I was being used, and I was so drained that I didn’t have enough energy to do the things I wanted to do.

I MISSED OUT ON OTHER AMAZING GUYS. I was turning down guys left and right because, in my mind, I already had a guy. Wrong! By waiting around for him to get it together, I was letting other fine specimens of the male persuasion slip through my fingers. The guys that were approaching me probably had a genuine interest in me and already knew who they were as men. They didn’t need time to get it together like the one I was waiting on. Like me, they were ready for a relationship. Instead, I was caught up in a dude who would never offer me anything close to commitment.

HE STARTED DATING SOMEONE ELSE WHILE I WAS BEING A “GOOD GIRL.” There’s nothing like thinking you’re with someone, only to see them with someone else. Other guys were showing interest in me and I was turning them away because I wanted to show my loyalty to the guy I was “waiting on.” But while he was off finding himself, he landed in the arms of someone else. I remember one of his friends telling me, “You’re wifey; he’s just with her in the meantime while he gets it together for you. It shouldn’t matter since you’re the one he’s coming home to in a sense.” That’s not okay and I deserved much better.

I GOT TIRED OF MY FRIENDS TELLING ME HOW RIDICULOUS I WAS BEING. Isn’t it great to have friends who are willing to be honest with you, even when it’s annoying? My friends would always ask what the status was for me and my supposed “guy” and why I was wasting my time with him. They didn’t mean any harm—they loved me so they just wanted to help me see that the “waiting” arrangement that I had going on wasn’t healthy and didn’t make any sense. Sometimes it takes people who are removed from a situation to give you a reality check.

I ALLOWED HIM TO HAVE POWER OVER ME. I was, in essence, allowing this guy to keep me on a string. The only person that should be in charge of my life is me. Instead, I was putting him and everything else that came with him ahead of me and my own wants and needs. This is something that never should’ve been allowed to happen as he was his own person and so was I. I needed to be free to live the life that I wanted without his shadow hanging over me.

I FELT INSECURE. We all have moments of insecurity. However, my insecurities were increased by a thousand because of his behavior and my willingness to put up with it. I even started to feel as though I wasn’t enough because if I was, we wouldn’t be going through this and we’d be together. This wasn’t true but it took me a long time to realize it.

I STARTED OVERTHINKING EVERYTHING. I started overanalyzing and overthinking everything he said and did, and I even began to anticipate what he was thinking. These kinds of thoughts and obsessions weren’t healthy and sometimes things just are the way they seem. If he wasn’t calling or texting me, he didn’t want to call or text me—plain and simple.

I WASN’T HAPPY WHILE I WAS IN LIMBO. No one likes to live their life in the middle, constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was constantly miserable, and all because this guy wanted me to “wait for him” and I was dumb enough to agree. I realized that I’d only be happy by living by my own rules and standards, and that’s exactly what I plan to do moving forward.

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