I Say That I Like Being Single And Independent But It’s Really Just A Huge Lie

I’m the girl who touts around her singledom like it’s some expensive furry hat. I act like I’m so proud of myself for being independent and for supporting myself without anyone else’s help, but little does everyone know, it’s all just a big lie. I’m actually longing for a relationship underneath it all and I’m tired of pretending I’m okay on my own.

  1. Being single is only fun for a few months. Sure, the first few months of being single is a blast. Staying out late, drinking with your other single friends, flirting with strangers, all the casual sex that comes with flirting with strangers… It’s like a big party at first, but after awhile it starts to get old and I begin to miss having someone by my side for support and cuddles. Who wouldn’t?
  2. I get lonely just like everyone else. I like to say that I’m okay with being alone—hell, I even claim to enjoy it—but underneath the facade, I’m really just talking smack because guess what? I get lonely just like everyone else. That’s right. Even the girl who’s basically famous for being single all the time is consistently lonely and is so tired of acting like everything’s cool.
  3. No one can be alone forever. I can spend a pretty long time on my own before I desperately start needing a relationship. I act like I’m going to be independent forever, but I know deep down that it’s not sustainable to live that way, especially if I want a family. The truth is, we can only spend so much time alone before we crack and I’m no exception.
  4. We’re social animals. It’s been scientifically proven that the quality of our health and well-being is reflected in the quality of our social relationships. Isolate someone and they’ll begin to deteriorate mentally and start suffering with stress-related illnesses. The health of the human brain depends on how we interact with the people around us and I’m a human, so who am I to argue science?
  5. I find relationships cheesy, but deep down I want one. I’m the girl who rolls her eyes whenever I see a wedding announcement on Facebook, but could it be that my own disgust at these cheesy acts of love is fuelled by my bitterness of not having them for myself? I mean, realistically, it would feel amazing to have someone who loves you unconditionally and to share that with the world. I just don’t think it will happen for me so I just act like I think it’s stupid instead.
  6. I’m covering up my fear of intimacy by pretending I’m okay being alone. When it comes down to it, I’m really just afraid of letting someone in. Instead of reciprocating when a guy is interested in me, I put on the “I don’t need a man, I’m independent” act—which I think is great when it’s coming from a place of empowerment. Unfortunately, for me, it’s coming from a place of fear.
  7. Make no mistake—I dream about relationships constantly. Even though I act like I’m perfectly fine being single, I lie awake at night just like everyone else, dreaming about what life would be like if I was in one of those perfect relationships.
  8. I’m scared of getting hurt so I act like I don’t need people. Not only am I afraid of letting people in, I’m also afraid of getting my heart broken. I’ve been disappointed so many times by my past boyfriends, so any guy who wants to date me really has to prove himself because I’m already convinced that I don’t need him.
  9. Being single sounds great in theory but not in real life. I read all these posts about how great it is to be single and how it’s so freeing and empowering to just live your own life, but I can’t seem to find the joy in it like all these other girls are able to do. I always seem to feel like something’s missing, like I’m half-full and I can’t just keep ignoring that feeling.
  10. I feel so much more confident when I’m in a relationship. Why is it that I feel so at ease when I’m in a relationship, like nothing can touch me and I’m invincible? There’s no better feeling than knowing that no matter what, someone out there loves you. It’s a powerful feeling and honestly, why shouldn’t I have that in my life?
  11. Everyone deserves love, even me. At the root of my anti-relationship attitude is the belief that I don’t deserve love. I put up this wall of not needing anyone and only relying on myself so I don’t even have to deal with the pain and rejection that comes with dating. What if I actually believed for a second that things will work out and that I’m not doomed to be lonely forever? Maybe things might change.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.