If You Say Any Of These Things To Me During A Fight, It’s Over

Getting into a heated argument can bring out the worst in people, even if you’re battling against someone you love. Even the best couples will occasionally fight and say things they regret to each other, but there are some words that can’t be forgiven with a simple apology. I don’t care how “meant to be” we are — if you say any of this cruel, manipulative BS to me in the middle of a fight, I’m breaking up with you on the spot:

  1. “You’re a bitch.” Name-calling was a crappy thing to do in third grade, and it’s a crappy thing to do now. The second you resort to calling me a bitch (or a whore, or easy, or any other nasty sexist monikers) will be the second I laugh in your face and end things between us forever. I date men, not immature little boys who can’t have a mature argument.
  2. “We’re breaking up.” Cool, bye. If you’re going to say this as a way to manipulate me into doing what you want, you’re in for a surprise. Threatening to break up with me isn’t just lazy — it’s also a terrible thing to threaten your partner with if you don’t really mean it. Say this to me during an argument, and I’ll both call your bluff and turn you down when you try to backpedal.
  3. “I could do so much better than you.” There’s the door, buddy. Go and do all the better you think you can do. If you’re so full of yourself that you find me beneath you, even if it’s just during the time we’re arguing, who am I to hold you back from all the amazing women out there who would be DYING to have you? I need an equal partnership, and if you go so far as to suggest that I’m somehow less valuable than you are, then this isn’t going to work out.
  4. “_____ was right about you.” There are more creative ways to cast self-doubt upon a person than this, but hey, I’ll give you some points for effort. Using a line like this is just a lazy way to make it seem like everyone is with you and against me, or that you were somehow the only person who believed in me. Even if that’s the truth, you keep that to yourself, and you definitely don’t use it as a weapon in an argument.
  5. “You’re just like other girls.” Tell me again: What is so wrong with other girls? Trying to cut me down is ugly enough, but trying to drag my entire gender down with me reveals way more about you than it does about me. I will never be able to look at you the same way again if this phrase comes out of your mouth, so if you’re even thinking about saying it, it’s best that we end this now to spare us both a future headache.
  6. “This is why no one else would ever want you.” We’ll just have to see about that now that I’m single again, won’t we? This is another attempted low blow that attempts to make me feel that I’m somehow lucky to have a boyfriend who thinks that this is an acceptable thing to say to another person. It’s rude, manipulative, and incorrect.
  7. “I’m going to kill myself.” I don’t play around with suicide. If you make this threat to me, I will absolutely call the police. That way, if you’re serious, you can get the help you need, and if you’re bluffing, you learn the hard way that this is NOT something you casually throw out there. If it’s the latter, I’m getting as far away from you as possible and staying there. I refuse to date someone who treats something this serious as a way to play mind games with people who love him.
  8. “I can’t wait ’til my friends hear about this one.” Even if you aren’t serious, will I really ever be able to trust you again if you imply that everything that happens between us will turn into gossip for you and your friends? This is another technique that crappy people use to make their partners feel like they have no one on their side, and now that I see it for what it is, I refuse to be in a relationship with someone who says it.
  9. “Sometimes you make me want to hit you.” I’m not even going to wait around long enough to flip you off for this one — if you imply that you want to physically hurt me, I’m going to take that as a sign that it’s only a matter of time before you actually do it. We all have flashes of anger in which we want to slap our partner across the face, but I know that if it’s gotten far enough for you to actually vocalize that desire, you’re eventually going to go through with it. I really don’t care if you “didn’t mean it;” my safety comes before any relationship.
  10. “My ex would never do something like that.” Relationships shouldn’t be a competition, and I’m not going to be made to feel like your ex and I are in the middle of a battle. If she was really so much better than I was, you can go back to her or find someone who’s more like her, because I have no intention of sticking around with someone who clearly hasn’t moved on from the past.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.