If He’s Saying He’s Not Ready, He’s Not Interested—He’s Not Asking You To Wait

A guy who says he’s not ready for something serious isn’t a guy you should waste another minute on. If it helps, bear in mind that he’s really hoping you’ll take the hint and leave. Here’s why:

  1. It’s a gentle breakup but it’s still a breakup. He doesn’t want to tell you he doesn’t love you anymore or he was just with you for the great sex. He values his life too much and doesn’t want his new tires slashed. So, he’ll take the gentler (read: cowardly) route by telling you he’s just not ready.
  2. He pretends to be the problem to make it easier for you to go. Telling you he’s not ready for a relationship or commitment is the new way of saying “it’s not you, it’s me.” We all know that nobody’s buying that crap and you shouldn’t either.
  3. He knows you respect yourselfWaiting around just hurts you and keeps you stuck in a useless relationship, and you know you’ve got too much self-love for that. He probably does too—that’s why he’s letting you go.
  4. He doesn’t have anything to give you. You might really love this guy and think you should slow down and lower your expectations to keep him around. Really, do you want to sacrifice your dignity for a man? He’s basically saying he’s got nothing more to give you!
  5. He should love you too much to leave. Look, a man who really loves you wouldn’t dream of putting you off him or walking away. He’ll be working hard to keep you. If this guy can tell you he’s not ready to get serious with you so easily, you should take it seriously. He doesn’t love you enough.
  6. It’s the beginning of pain if you stay. A man who tells you he’s not ready to commit isn’t going to change. In fact, if you stay with him in spite of his words, soon his actions will match them. For instance, he’ll start giving you less attention and make you less of a priority. If you wait around hoping he’ll do the opposite, as in rise up to meet you and get himself ready for a real relationship, you’ll be waiting forever.
  7. He’s not going to regret his decision. He’s thought long and hard about this decision. He might be coming across as confused or unsure, but you can bet he’s really sure about making this choice. You should be with a man who doesn’t have the smallest doubt about being with you.
  8. He knows you want more but he doesn’t. If you were on the same page, he wouldn’t be saying he’s not ready. He knows you want something more serious and that’s not his cup of tea. By making it clear he’s not ready to put in that level of effort, he’s doing you a favor because at least now you can find it with someone else.
  9. He’s giving you scraps. There’s always the chance that he hopes you’ll stick around in case he gets lonely or misses you. He might suggest you have a more casual relationship since he’s not ready for more. This isn’t a way to compromise—it’s a selfish and convenient way for him to have his cake and eat it. Don’t accept crumbs. They won’t sustain you for long.
  10. Believe him – he means what he says. It’s not just what men do that tells you what they’re about, but also how they see themselves. A man who calls himself a jerk is one, otherwise, he wouldn’t be carrying the label around. Similarly, a man who says he’s not ready isn’t ready. The reason behind it doesn’t matter. You’ll only screw yourself over by trying to find a hidden meaning and hope in his words. Disclaimer: there isn’t any.
  11. He’s not hoping you’ll change him. It’s easy to hear a man say he’s not ready for a relationship and think up ways to make him ready. But wait. He didn’t say, “I’m not ready. Please help me get ready.” He just said he’s not ready. Don’t waste your time and effort going into “fix him” mode. It’ll never work!
  12. He wants you to date other people. It’s a difficult truth to swallow, but a man who’s willing to let you go, who isn’t ready (or willing) to make things work, is really saying that you need to go out and find someone who is. He might be what you want, but he doesn’t want you. That’s reason enough to listen to him – and GTFO.
  13. Don’t be fooled by honesty. Maybe this guy is being honest when he says he’s not ready, either with you or any other woman (even though it’s hard to believe), but don’t let his honesty keep you trapped. In other words, don’t think that since he’s being so honest, he clearly cares about you and that means there could be hope to get together in the future. No! A man who can’t stay with you right now isn’t worth throwing your future away for. Treat yourself with the love he couldn’t give you and move on.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.