The Screwed Up Realities Of Being A Single Girl

The Screwed Up Realities Of Being A Single Girl ©iStock/AnnaKravets

Although being single has its perks, it can also be a major bummer. Sometimes you actually want to have someone to spend time with besides your friends and family, and sometimes you want to enjoy the intimacy (sex!) that comes with being in a relationship. But alas, for some of us, being single is just how things are at the moment and there are some very harsh, screwed up realities that comes with it:

  1. Men tend to date (and love) with one foot out the door. When you’re single long enough you realize it has a lot to do with the caliber of men who are out there. It’s not that they suck, per se, but many guys tend to date with the idea that something better will come long, so they don’t want to get TOO involved. You could be the catch of all catches, and a guy will still think he can do better.
  2. Being single too long is pretty much a curse. If you haven’t dated in a while, people — potential suitors and otherwise — wonder what might be wrong with you. If you’re of a certain age and still have yet to settle down into something long-term, again people wonder, judge and pretty much assume the worst. I mean, obviously you’re single for a reason… because you’re the worst.
  3. You’re pitied by many and admired by few. As much as it pains, as in truly pains me to write this, people, especially those in relationships pity their single friends. Even if you’re single, loving it, and couldn’t possibly be happier, you’re still pitied — and those who do the pitying assume any happiness you exude is a mask to cover the miserable truth.
  4. People seriously mull over whether they want to invite you to things. It’s not that they think your singledom is somehow contagious, but more of the concern of you feeling left out if there are a lot of couples or, even worse, if you’ll throw yourself at the only other single person at the party. You know, because as a single person, your ONLY standard for a mate is that they’re breathing and have at least three of their four limbs.
  5. If you’re successful, it counts against you. During a recent conversation with an ex, he expressed how he struggled with jealousy during our relationship. While I may not be at the top of my career YET, I’m definitely further along than him, get paid more, and I guess if we were to compare success levels, I’m more successful – although, considering how things are going for him, that’s really not saying much. But my point is, my ex isn’t alone in his feelings of jealousy. Men, even if they don’t realize it initially, are genuinely intimidated by successful women – and if those women are more successful than them? Forget about it.
  6. You get stuck in your ways. After a while, every single girl gets stuck in her ways. While this may not be a bad thing, it can make dating someone new difficult. You just get to a point where everything has to be your way and you’re no longer willing to settle, which is great — but at the same time, it makes dating harder than it normally would be.
  7. Everyone wants to “help.” For some reason, being single is somehow a cry for help. Everyone thinks they have a way they can “help” you. Your coworker has a really great roommate whom you’d just love, your friend has a friend who knows a guy who’s really “perfect” for you, and your grandmother thinks you’d be an ideal match for her hairdresser, who’s actually gay, but your grandmother has yet to pick up on that. Yep; everyone wants to help and everyone knows exactly who and what would be best for you. Oh, you poor single girl! YOU NEED SO MUCH HELP.
  8. You get too many unwanted pep talks. Because everyone wanting to set you up with someone isn’t enough, you also get unsolicited pep talks about how there’s “someone for everyone,” how you shouldn’t worry because “you’ll meet him someday” and my personal favorite, that “love happens when you’re not looking.” Like, really? What – you don’t think I can read the stupid quotes on my Celestial Seasoning tea bags?
  9. You’re forced to realize there are actually very few “good” people. I think it’s interesting that the phrase “you need to kiss a lot of frogs” is as old as it is, because I like to believe that being single 40, 30, or even 20 years ago, wasn’t this bad. But the truth is, if you’ve been single long enough but have actually tried to date, you already know one of the most screwed up realities of all: There’s a lot of crappy people out there! Whether you meet them online, in a bar, or through a friend, the world is full of crappy people and trying to weed through the hell to get to the good stuff is a full time job.
  10. It’s feels easier to just stop giving a f*ck. This isn’t to say you’ve given up on love or dating, or have resigned to the idea that you’ll be alone forever — you’re just over it. If it happens, it happens, but if it doesn’t, it’s not like you’re going to lose your crap over it and cry yourself to sleep every night until you die. Instead, you’re just going to accept it and hope for for the best. You know, I heard that love happens when you’re not… oh, screw it. And screw anyone who actually says that BS to you.
Amanda Chatel is a sexual health, mental health, and wellness journalist with more than a decade of experience. Her work has been featured in Shape, Glamour, SELF, Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Elle, Mic, Men's Health and Bustle, where she was a lifestyle writer for seven years. In 2019, The League included Amanda in their "15 Inspirational Feminists Every Single Person Should Follow on Twitter" list.

Amanda has a bachelor's degree in English and master's degree in Creative Writing from the University of New Hampshire. She divides her time between NYC, Paris, and Barcelona.

You can follow her on Instagram @la_chatel or on Twitter @angrychatel.