I always hear people complaining that they can’t seem to find that special “spark” they’re looking for in relationships. In fact, I’ve been victim to this reasoning myself a time or two before. It’s cool if we don’t see a future with potential partners we’re dating, but this “spark” everyone seems to be looking for seems more like a mythical Disney unicorn than an actual reality. There’s more to love than fireworks, and you should start paying attention to the other important details when looking for your perfect partner.
The spark can fizzle. When something starts out piping hot, eventually it’s going to need to cool off. What goes up must come down, so don’t think that just because the lust factor and elusive “spark” feels so strong right away that it’s an indicator that you’ve found “The One”. Even the hottest of beginnings can have disastrous endings.
It clouds your judgment. When you’re wrapped up in so-called chemistry, it actually clouds your judgment on all of the other things you should be paying attention to about him. Sure, the sex could be hot and you could want to rip his clothes off every chance you get, but there’s so much more than building a connection of love than just the initial electricity you feel for each other.
You may be blinded to the ways you’re incompatible. You’ll feel so engulfed in this “spark” that you may gloss over qualities that actually make you incompatible. But that’s OK, because the sex is fantastic, right? Wrong. Sex and the pulling feeling of strong chemistry will only get you so far. Remember there’s a person you need to get to know on a deeper level to know if he’s right for you or not.
It takes time to get to truly get to know someone. As much as people want to believe that love at first sight is totally a thing, it really isn’t. Attraction at first sight is a thing. Lust at first sight is more accurate. You can be completely enamored and severely attracted to a person from the get go and have absolutely nothing in common or share the same hopes for your futures. The spark doesn’t dictate the potential — getting to know the person does.
The real fireworks are in finding out the details. When you take the time to get to know someone you like but aren’t necessarily crazy about yet, something amazing could happen. You might start actually falling for him and feeling that “spark” because you’re getting to know more about who he is. There’s a reason why sometimes long-term friends turn into true loves, and that’s because even though the crazy chemistry and spark wasn’t there in the beginning, it formed over time the more they got to know each other.
There’s more to love than just chemistry. As I said before, chemistry can only get you so far. Real love is not just feeling attracted to the person you’re with, it’s about loving them for everything they are, flaws and all. It’s about loving their mind, their beliefs, their morals and their imperfections. Chemistry is a small part of the equation in the grand scheme of love and relationships.
Love doesn’t happen overnight. Love takes time and it doesn’t happen overnight. Just because you spark with a person doesn’t mean it’ll turn into lasting love. Just ask any spring break hookup or someone who’s had a crazy passionate one nighter with a complete stranger. While sparks feel wonderful and amazing, it’s the process of falling in love that’s the real goal, and it’s not something you can tell within a few dates. It takes time.
Most people spark when they‘re in love. When you actually love someone, that’s when the real spark ignites. It’s because you’ve gotten to know someone on a deep level, and observed the person they are while enjoying the steps and company along the way. Real love isn’t a magical formula dictated by the way your hormones react; it’s also how your mind and heart react. If you want to find real and lasting love, you might want to stop looking for “the spark” and start looking at the bigger picture.