The Secret To Loving A Woman Who’s Used To Being On Her Own

Loving a strong woman who’s used to rolling solo is easy for some people, but for others, that level of independence is sometimes intimidating, confusing, maybe even frustrating. It doesn’t need to be that way, though. Independent women aren’t mythical creatures. We have no special powers and we’re not threatening, unless you’re threatened by a woman who can take care of herself. If you’re in love with a woman who’s used to being on her own, these are the only things you need to know:

  1. She probably doesn’t need a lot of reassurance. This varies from one woman to the next, of course, but for the most part, independent women who are used to being on their own neither desire nor require someone else’s approval, opinion, or reassurances. She doesn’t need to float on a river of promises and praises. Potential partners don’t need to assure her that they’re going to call, that they’re interested, or that they’ll be there the next morning. Don’t worry about placating her. She’s got her own crap covered.
  2. She’s with you because she wants to be, not because she needs something. In general, a woman who’s used to being on her own doesn’t really need anything from anybody – except the sorts of things money can’t buy. She’s not suddenly looking for someone to help with the bills; she’s looking for someone to share with, a companion.
  3. She’s not dating anyone just to get a free meal. It doesn’t matter if she’s casually dating several people, either. She doesn’t need anyone else to buy her food. In fact, she’s the type who will offer to go dutch or to treat her date. Dates aren’t excuses to have dinner and cop a free meal, they’re opportunities to spend time with someone who’s worth that time.
  4. It’s hard for her to ask for help. She’s used to relying on herself and doing things on her own. She knows how to fix and accomplish everything, from paying the bills to handling car maintenance and fixing all the things that break – including herself. Self-sufficiency and self-reliance quickly become ingrained habits. Breaking them to ask someone else for help isn’t always easy and it won’t necessarily happen quickly.
  5. She needs someone who’s as strong as she is. The person she lets into her life may have different strengths, but the existence of strength itself is usually non-negotiable. It takes someone strong to hold their own against a woman who’s relied on herself for any length of time. Compromise only comes with practice, after all.
  6. But she’s not interested in power struggles or pissing contests. She doesn’t expect a partner to fit into social norms or stereotypes and expects the same courtesy. Have confidence in your strength. Don’t be intimidated just because she can safely and happily survive on her own. Knowing how to fix a flat tire, repair a leaky faucet, or stand up to bill collectors doesn’t mean she doesn’t need anyone ever. She doesn’t have anything to prove – and neither do you.
  7. She’s okay with being alone. Obviously, a woman on her own isn’t afraid of her own company. She dines alone, shops alone, goes to the movies alone. While it’s certainly nice to enjoy those activities with someone else, it isn’t a necessity. She has no desire to cling to her partner all the time.
  8. She values her privacy – and she respects yours. That means that if you’re in a relationship with a woman who’s used to being on her own, you need to value her privacy, too. She’s had it for a long time, she’s not used to having it invaded by anyone else, and since she shows the same respect, it’s only polite to return it.
  9. Take her seriously. Do you want her to take you seriously? Then do the same. Women who take care of themselves don’t hate men, they aren’t cynical, they’re not resistant to falling in love, they’re simply women who know how to be on their own.
  10. Even though she’s independent, you can – and should – still be assertive. Remember, however, that assertive and aggressive are two different things. This is more about holding your own, again, than it is about trying to be overbearing or authoritative. Women who are independent neither want nor expect you to defer to them or act submissively.
west virginia native, new hampshire transplant, parisian in the depths of my unimpressed soul. owner of an impressive resting bitch face. writer and reader. fluent in sarcasm and snark. lover of lower case and the oxford comma.