How To See Through A Guy’s BS & Avoid Wasting Your Time

If you’re on the dating scene, chances are you’ve come across your fair share of dudes who have less than honest intentions. They say all the right things but when it comes to putting their money where their mouths are, they fall hideously short. Here’s how to see through a guy’s BS and avoid wasting any more of your time.

  1. Pay attention to what he does, not what he says. He can talk the talk but does he walk the walk? If his actions never quite live up to the big game that comes out of his mouth, that pretty much tells you all you need to know about him. Words mean nothing if they never turn into actions.
  2. Ask him straight up what he’s looking for. Seriously, just go for it. Don’t beat around the bush, hinting about your desire for a real relationship, just straight up tell the dude that you’re looking to build something real and if he’s not, he can let you know now so you can jog on to someone who is. Of course he could lie and claim he’s on the same page when he’s really not, but that would almost be a waste of HIS time, and if he’s full of crap, he probably won’t bother.
  3. Notice his level of commitment towards you. I don’t mean that he should be proposing to you on date three. By commitment, I’m referring to his desire to make and keep plans with you, his desire to keep in regular contact with you (and not just when you initiate it), his desire to delete his dating apps so he can focus on getting to know you, etc. If none of these things are happening, you shouldn’t be wasting your time.
  4. Avoid sleeping with him before you’re official and gauge his reaction. There’s nothing wrong with sex on the first date if that’s your style, but it stands to reason that waiting to get physically intimate with someone is a good idea if you’re trying to build something real. If you want to know if he’s full of crap and just spouting BS to try and get in your pants, let him know that you like to wait a while before hopping into bed and see if he suddenly falls off the map or suddenly gets “too busy” for your dates. That will tell you all you need to know.
  5. Give him the benefit of the doubt one time only. Things happen, so if he has to cancel on you once because his car broke down or his little brother begged him to come to his baseball game, give him a pass. ONCE. If he has as many excuses as you do selfies on your phone, he’s giving you a load of BS and you’re just asking to get played if you buy it. Cut him loose.
  6. Look out for inconsistencies in his stories. This is probably the easiest way to spot a guy who’s full of horse manure. If his stories change every time he tells them, if he’s reticent to talk about seemingly innocuous topics, or if he avoids giving details about certain elements of his life and won’t elaborate on why, there’s a problem. A guy who has nothing to hide will hide nothing, if you catch my drift.
  7. Trust your gut. Seriously, your intuition is rarely wrong and if it’s telling you that the guy you’re seeing is full of crap, he probably is. And even if he isn’t, a relationship will never work without trust. You’ll always have nagging doubts about him in your mind and it’ll ruin everything. Better to cut your losses now and move on to someone who gives you good vibes only.


Piper Ryan is a NYC-based writer and matchmaker who works to bring millennials who are sick of dating apps and the bar scene together in an organic and efficient way. To date, she's paired up more than 120 couples, many of whom have gone on to get married. Her work has been highlighted in The New York Times, Time Out New York, The Cut, and many more.

In addition to runnnig her own business, Piper is passionate about charity work, advocating for vulnerable women and children in her local area and across the country. She is currently working on her first book, a non-fiction collection of stories focusing on female empowerment.