I Seem Super Confident In My Skin But I’m Really Crippled With Insecurity

Body positivity is healing and I aim to live a life full of it every single day. The problem is that I’m never going to be perfect at it, which means I have deep insecurities too. Sometimes my lack of confidence seems to take over, but at the end of the day, I’m trying.

  1. Body positivity is super important to me. Just for starters, body positivity is absolutely crucial to my life and I do my best to embrace it and share that attitude ever day. Bopo is about having a positive body image no matter what shape or size you are. It’s not necessarily about loving yourself but more so about recognizing that you’re a worthy human being who deserves respect and dignity no matter what.
  2. Some days are harder than others. I have days where I’m happy with my body in its imperfect state and I have others where I’m totally miserable and want to be different. I think this pendulum swing is natural; I can’t live perfectly in body positivity all the time but I wish it wouldn’t swing so far. The days where I feel crappy about my body are super difficult days.
  3. I’m not lying, just maybe faking it until I make it. Sometimes I feel like I’m a big phony and I can’t tout myself as body positive. Logically, I don’t think this is the case; I think sometimes I’m just faking it until I make it. I’m acting as if I’m constantly body positive in the hopes that I actually will be most of the time. I’m insecure and I’m only doing my best to try to live a more secure life.
  4. Diet culture’s claws grasp deeply. Diet culture is a system of beliefs that favors weight, shape, and general looks over health and well-being. It’s been part of the popular culture my entire life so its grasp runs deep. I’m guilty of still weighing myself once in a while even though the right thing would be to never step on a scale. I still sometimes think my weight determines my worth because diet culture tells me to do so.
  5. I see a nutritionist who believes in health at every size. The nutritionist that I see is very body positive and values health at every size and that’s helpful. She reminds me when I need to hear it that I’m a good enough human being just as I am. She also helps me have a healthy relationship with food, though that could definitely use some work.
  6. I have a body positive community. I’m part of a community that encourages and reminds me of what my values are. These people mostly exist on Instagram, but I also have some real-life friends who are body positive too. They lift me up when I feel like I’m dragging myself down. I look to these people for inspiration when I’m having a hard time finding my own.
  7. I’m an activist on Instagram. One of the reasons why I sometimes feel like a big phony is because I’m an activist on Instagram. I actively promote body positivity and I bash diet culture, so it’s hard to feel insecure while also feeling like I need to perform confidence for others. Logically I know this doesn’t make sense, but I can’t help how I feel.
  8. It used to be a lot worse. Sure, I’m not happy that I weigh myself and I wish that I just didn’t care about fat at all. However, I have to say that I’ve come a long way. I used to work out to burn calories, I restricted what I ate, and had a head full of diet culture thoughts. I’ve even had eating disorders, which obviously made everything worse. So  can be grateful for where I’m at now. I’ve stopped dieting for good!
  9. I have high expectations for myself. I expect myself to be the perfect body positive role model, whatever that means. I want to help all people, but particularly women and enbys (gender non-binary folks), feel good in their skin. I don’t want anyone to have to suffer from the throes of diet culture. Unfortunately, my expectations are far too high. I could never meet them. I have to chill out a bit!
  10. I know that others struggle too. I can’t imagine that I’m the only one who feels insecure while also feeling body positive. I’m guessing there are plenty of others who have similar struggles to me because it isn’t easy to get over these ideas that are so deeply ingrained in us. I think there are others who want so badly to perfectly love their bodies but naturally fall short. It’s OK—we’re all human.
Ginelle has been writing professionally for more than six years and has a bachelor’s degree in digital marketing & design. Her writing has appeared on Birdie, Thought Catalog, Tiny Buddha and more. You can follow her on Instagram @ginelletesta, via her Facebook page, or through her website at ginelletesta.com.