He Seemed Crazy About Me, Then Ghosted Me Out Of Nowhere

He told me how lucky he felt to have found me, then he was gone. There was no explanation and I never would have expected it. Getting ghosted is never easy, but this experience in particular really drove me crazy. I had so many unanswered questions about why he took off like that without even bothering to give me a reason. Here are some things that went through my mind.

  1. Had it all been a lie? It’s easy to think the guy was nothing but hot air if he could tell me he liked me so much and then totally ghost me the next day. Still, knowing that I had been lied to wasn’t as horrible as feeling like a complete fool for being in that situation and not having seen it coming.
  2. Did I do something wrong? Ah, this is the classic fear that so many people who’ve been ghosted worry about, including me. I couldn’t help it. I was trying so hard to find a reason for why he’d disappeared on me that it was only natural to wonder if I had done something to put him off. Had I been too much for him or too little? Had I offended him?
  3. Did he meet someone else? I found myself wondering if perhaps he left because of an external factor that had nothing to do with me. Maybe he met someone else and realized he’d rather be with her than with me. This was difficult to deal with, but in a way it made me feel better to know that I might not have been the reason for him disappearing on me.
  4. Was he confused? I never believe the idea that anyone can be confused when it comes to dating. Surely you just know if you like the person or not? What’s there to be confused about, for goodness’ sake? But maybe the guy was a bit all over the place. Maybe he wasn’t sure if he really liked me enough. But then…
  5. Why did he act like he was sure about me? The worst thing about this experience was how the guy came on really strong once we’d got to know each other. He really behaved like he was nuts about me. He was always texting me, telling me he was thinking about me, and he was always so attentive when we were together.
  6. Did I misread the signs? I started to wonder: had I misinterpreted his signs? Maybe a guy who brings me my favorite chocolates to a date or texts me after every date to tell me how much fun he had was actually not interested after all. But then if that’s the case, what the heck? How is it possible to know if a guy’s legit or not?
  7. Did I come on too strongly? I’m not the type of person to play dating games. In fact, I’m an open book when it comes to showing interest. That’s not to say that I appear desperate, but I do like to be honest. If I like the guy, I’m going to show it. Why waste time pretending, after all? But after the guy ghosted me, I couldn’t help but fear that I’d shown my interest too quickly and that ended up putting him off. Ugh, OK, enough with the self-blame!
  8. Did I just love the idea of him? I’d only known the guy for two months when he ghosted me and I couldn’t figure out why it was so damn painful. I mean, it wasn’t like we’d dated for years. Still, he’d killed the hope of something big happening and that was what hurt the most. After dating him for a short time, I was excited about our future and what we could achieve together. When he disappeared, he took all that hope away from me. Perhaps I just loved the idea of him and what we could have been together too much for my own good. Hmmm.
  9. Had he hoped to gain something from me? I hated the thought that he tried to manipulate me. Maybe he’d been trying to get an ego boost from being with someone who clearly liked him so much. Ugh, it makes me sick to think that on some level the guy wasn’t being genuine. I still battle to make peace with the idea that he was genuinely into me. There’s no way a guy who appeared to be so into me could change like that overnight unless he was psycho. What are the chances of that?
  10. He didn’t seem crazy. I have quite a good crazy radar, but this guy really didn’t seem like he was missing a few screws. That was what was so difficult about this situation. At least if he’d been crazy, it would’ve made me feel better to know that he had issues before I entered his life.
  11. Was he just a coward? Yes, yes, and yes! I realized that a guy who’s a grown man isn’t going to ghost me after a fabulous date. He won’t be too afraid to say what’s on his mind or in his heart. He also won’t hurt someone because he’s the insecure one. Even if I had misread his signals or made him mad with my behavior (which was actually unlikely), it still didn’t give him the right to ghost me. Period! The guy was a loser. Time to move on.

At the end of the day, I realized that it wasn’t my fault. I wasn’t responsible for his behavior and while it hurt, he actually did me a favor by disappearing out of nowhere. It meant that I was free to move on to someone who actually values me and respects me enough to communicate instead of disappearing from my life without a word.

Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.