They always say there are certain cheating signs to look out for, like a guy who hides his phone or suddenly has to “work late” all the time. However, my ex did something that I never thought meant he had another woman on the side.
He asked me out and changed the plan. Instead of showing up to my house to pick me up for dinner and a movie wearing an old tracksuit (something he was always so comfortable in for our previous dates), he was dressed to the nines. My BF of four months had shaved, he was wearing a stunning new shirt, and he was rocking flattering jeans. Was this still my boyfriend? When had he bought all those cool clothes?
It was an awesome change. I never tried to change my boyfriend’s fashion sense or lack thereof—I liked him for who he was, but I have to be honest and say that I really liked the way he was looking now. In fact, there’d been a time early on in our relationship when he put so much into his appearance and I loved that he was going back to that phase.
He was actually making an effort. Part of the reason for the smile on my face as we headed out to dinner at my favorite restaurant in town was that he was clearly making an effort. He was dressing up to impress me. He wanted to show me just how gorgeous he could be. It felt like he was really saying that he wasn’t going to let himself go or take me for granted.
Turns out, that effort wasn’t really for me… Weird things started happening pretty much immediately. He had to cut that dinner a little short because he had to go finish off some work before the next day. So much for spending the night together! When he took me out a few days later, still dressed to kill and catching women’s stares when we went out, he had to cut our movie date. Why was he always cutting our dates short?
Could he be cheating on me? We had such a great time together on dates that I was sure nothing was wrong between us. Still, a part of me couldn’t help but wonder if the fact that he was paying more attention to his appearance was linked to spending less quality time with me. Turns out, it’s said that a man who starts paying more attention to his looks out of nowhere might be having an affair or checking out of the relationship. I wondered if the fact that my BF was buying new clothes and focusing on looking his best was something similar…
I had to find out. One day when he said he was super busy with work but working from home, I decided to pay him a surprise visit. At this point, I wasn’t dead-set on the idea that he was doing shady things behind my back, but I had to know for sure. Not only did I surprise him—he looked quite taken aback when he saw me outside his front door—but he was dressed to kill again and he wasn’t alone. Some other woman was in the kitchen, wearing a shirt I’d given him for his birthday. It was clear that they’d just been cooking together. He told me we were over and he was planning on tellling me.
I felt so betrayed. It was bad enough to get cheated on by the a-hole, but there I’d been thinking he was making more of an effort for me when in reality, he’d been doing that to impress his hot side woman. I was furious and so depressed.
Did he have to look so good now? I wished he’d been looking really crappy—maybe getting dumped like this would’ve been a slightly easier pill to swallow. But no, the universe wasn’t on my side. When he walked me out with a pained look in his eye, he was so handsome. He had a certain Ryan Reynolds flair about him that I’d only just realized. But now, some other woman was going to get to enjoy him.
Time to move on. On the drive back home that I took really slowly because it’s hard to drive when tears are messing with your vision, I reminded myself that he might look gorgeous now, but soon he’d be lounging around the house in his ugly tracksuit pants, he’d forget to wash his hair, and he’d get so comfortable with his new girlfriend that he’d stop making the effort. Sure, he was gorgeous on the outside (especially when he took care of himself), but he was ugly on the inside. I didn’t need a hot man. I needed a good one, and he certainly wasn’t that.
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