He Seems Decent But Is He Just A Douchebag In Disguise?

He Seems Decent But Is He Just A Douchebag In Disguise? ©iStock/filadendron

Maybe it’s all the Disney movies I watched as a kid, but I feel like I was led to believe that finding Prince Charming would be a little easier than it’s been thus far. It seems like even when I find a dude who could be a really good catch, some kind of huge red flag starts waving the moment I catch feelings. There’s nothing I hate more than a douchebag in “nice guy” clothing. Here are some signs that your dude might only be masquerading as a good dude:

  1. He’s polite but he’s not nice. Manners can be taught to anyone (opening doors for others, saying “yes, sir” and “yes, ma’am,” etc.) but these habits can become second nature and are not always done because a guy genuinely cares and wants the best for you. Any guy can choose to show that they have manners to the outside world but that doesn’t necessarily mean behind closed doors he isn’t a totally different person. Don’t confuse politeness with someone’s ability to be genuine. Polite people are sometimes the fakest people also. Make sure his actions line up with his words.
  2. He’s fun but he has no self-control. He definitely knows how to show you a good time but he also doesn’t know how to control his liquor intake and often parties too much. If you’re having to nurse his hangovers more mornings than not, there’s an issue. If he cares more about getting wasted than he does about your well-being, it’s time to give him the boot.
  3. He’s “wholesome” but controlling. Your parents love him but when you tell him your career plans, he jokingly-but-kind-of-seriously comments about making sure you know you’re really going to be a stay-at-home mom instead. Since when do YOUR future plans depend on him? Nobody wants to be told what to do with their own life.
  4. He’s hilarious but he doesn’t know when to quit. He’s knows how to make you laugh but more often than not he doesn’t know when to stop. He presses you too far, mocking you in small ways that really add up over time. There’s a difference between being funny and being cruel.
  5. He’s intelligent but not intuitive. He can tell you every little known fact about The Milky Way when he takes you stargazing but he doesn’t take communicative cues well, so when you’re trying to let him know what you’re feeling (horny, mad, sad, etc.) he doesn’t pick it up because he’s not really listening or paying attention. That brain of his is always moving, just not in the direction of your feelings. It can come across as selfish and cold so you end up feeling empty because of the lack of communication.
  6. He’s charming but he’s not trustworthy. He’s a smooth talker with a ton of friends and colleagues who love him but you’ve seen some red flags when it comes to his loyalty. He tells you all the things you’ve been wanting to hear for so long, which is why you got sucked in in the first place. But when you start seeing questionable texts from other women pop up on his phone or you notice some notifications on his Tinder app that he swore he deleted, the jig is up.
  7. He’s creative but selfish. You love watching him do his craft and his work is inspiring but he’s always wrapped up in it and that leaves little time for you. Whenever you bring it up, he acts like it’s a huge inconvenience and you’re just not being understanding of his “craft.” Uh, okay dude.
  8. He’s passionate but overbearing. His love for you would move mountains, but really you kind of just need for it to move into the next room so you can breathe a little. By putting you up on such a high pedestal, he makes you feel suffocated and unable to be as free as you’d like to be. He’s always over your shoulder watching and commenting on your every move. Even when you’re just having lunch with your girls, your phone is dinging off the hook because he can’t stand the thought of being away from you even for a minute. This kind of cling has gotta go.
  9. He’s a hard worker at his job but at home, he’s lazy AF. At work, he’s constantly praised for going above and beyond the call of duty but when it comes to his home life he can’t even take 2 seconds to flip the toilet seat down (more like call of doody, am I right?) You’re not even a clean freak but is it too much to ask for fresh sheets and pillow cases? You’re not a maid and have a hard time finding the time to work two jobs and wash his clothes AND yours.
  10. He’s attractive but vain. You’re enamored by his beautiful, beautiful face but my god, does he know it. He spends more time in front of mirrors and taking selfies and snaps than a majority of your friends. He’s cocky and competitive (which can be attractive qualities in small doses) but often times that creeps into your relationship and causes friction.