I’ve been single for years wondering why the heck that is. I’m a spectacular gal, but I can’t seem to find a partner. Logic would tell me certain things like my time hasn’t come yet, but my head likes to tell me other things.
- It feels like there’s something wrong with me. This is the oldest tape in the book. It plays on a loop, haunting me with messages of my innate unworthiness. I know these tapes are lying, but sometimes I can’t help but think that something’s wrong with me. My head tells me that if I was an okay person I’d be able to have a partner without a problem. This just isn’t true—my worth isn’t tied to whether or not I have a partner. If only my head and heart would be on the same page.
- I’ve been dating for what feels like forever. The dating game can be fun and exciting, but it can also be exhausting and disheartening. I’ve been dating for a really long time with very few people turning into anything more than a few dates. I’ve been actively putting myself out there for a while and I’m still single AF. It’s hard not to take this personally. Usually, “failed” dating attempts are just fuel for the already deafening things my mind tells me about my brokenness.
- I’ve been single for most of the last few years. If I’ve been dating to no avail for years you can probably guess that I’ve also been single for most of that time. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate singlehood, it just gets lonely sometimes. My mind gets to wondering why the heck I’m single in the first place.
- I’ve had lots of almost relationships. I have to say that I haven’t been completely alone along this path. Rather, I’ve had a bunch of almost relationships. We went on a few dates, I got my hopes up, and nothing came of the encounters for one reason or another. These experiences were almost a tease because I got super excited then felt completely let down and jaded afterward. More fuel for the dang tapes in my mind to tell me about how unlovable I am.
- I’ve experienced quite a bit of rejection. This has been a year of putting myself out there in the dating world. In the past, I was too fearful of putting myself out there. I was also told that as a girl I’m not supposed to ask out guys. Once I learned this was crap, I started asking guys out. Not all of the asks were successful, some leading to rejection. I know that rejection is a fact of life but sometimes I still can’t help but feel like it’s because there’s something wrong with me.
- It seems everyone has someone. I know this is an exaggeration, but I do feel as if many people have someone. I’m aware that it’s not good to compare myself to others, but I’m only human so I do it anyways. I look at the smiling couples on Instagram and the happy cuties holding hands in the street and I wonder why the heck I’m alone.
- There are tons of people I’m incompatible with. I guess I have to say this to myself: I’m incompatible with the majority of the world. Most people that I ever come in contact with I will be incompatible with. You know the saying “it’s a numbers game”? Well, there’s some truth to that. There’s only a very small number of people I’ll be compatible with and I haven’t found them yet.
- I’m not saying I need a relationship but it’d be nice. You may be thinking, “God, this girl is obsessed with being in a relationship” but it’s not that. I’m not codependent. I know that I’m whole without another person and that I’m lovable just as I am, it’s just that I’d like a companion. It’s a totally natural thing that my heart yearns for companionship.
- I’m working on getting my head and heart on the same page. I’m trying to challenge those mean thoughts when they come up about not being good enough or being inherently broken. I turn them around by saying things like “I’m a child of the universe, worthy of love” and “I have inherent goodness that isn’t connected to any circumstance in my life.” These phrases help when the voices begin to come in about how unlovable I am. Screw those voices.
- To be honest, the main reason I’m alone because I won’t settle for less. To give myself credit, it’s not that I’m just a sad soul who’s totally alone with no attention or potential. Rather, I have tons of opportunity; I just choose to turn people down and walk away because they aren’t a match for me. Even when my head tells me I’m broken, unlovable, and unworthy, my heart refuses to let me settle. This means that I’m alone often, which I suppose isn’t such a bad thing.
